Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school. –Fordham University Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies. –NYU Student Health Center Overheard by: had neither Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil. –1 Train Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me. –39th & Lexington Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology! –168th & Fort Washington

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not… –Columbia University Overheard by: Lo Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches? –7 Train Overheard by: Andrea Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women. –Downtown NYC Courthouse Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick! –4 Train Overheard by: Marlon B Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly. –Cobble Hill Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead. –Fordham University Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Whereas We Just Saddle Up at Fetish Parties

Long Island guy: I'm from Merrick.
Brooklyn guy: Merrick? What's Merrick?
Long Island guy: It's a town on Long Island.
Brooklyn guy, laughing: A town!? They still have those? It seems so old fashioned! A town! Sounds like in the 1800s, when people would saddle up their wagons and go into town. –Fordham University Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

I Kinda Lost the Thread Here

Bimbette: He’s so hot. And his chin is so sharp it could cut steel. No, wait, what’s stronger than steel?
Friend: Diamonds?
Bimbette: Yes! Diamonds! Only diamonds can cut diamonds!
Friend: Well, yeah, but lasers can cut diamonds, too.
Bimbette: Shit. –Fordham University, Rose Hill

I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random! –AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center Overheard by: G-Lime A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand. –Forham University Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck! –A Train Overheard by: Don Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus. –Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs. –1250 Broadway Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl! –44th & Lexington

Fordham Girls Often Eat Their Young

Chick: Seriously, surrogate mothers get paid so much money. If I was dirt-poor, I’d totally be one.
Guy: Yeah, but isn’t that a lot of work?
Chick: Well, the way I look at it is it’s like Thanksgiving. The surrogate mother is like an oven, and the baby is like a turkey that’s just sent there for nine months to cook. Some surrogate mothers are like, ‘Whatever, just let it cook ’til it’s done,’ whereas some other surrogate mothers put more effort into it — like they’ll add some gravy… or garlic… Mmm…
Guy: Have you forgotten that we’re talking about babies?! –Cafeteria, Fordham University Overheard by: Sromeo