Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Wednesday 1:00-Liners

Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn't open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God! –Meeker St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Simon Girl on cell: Because I don't function in the world of time so well. –7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St Overheard by: John C Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think. –JFK Law student to another: What time is it in the real world? –Fordham Law School

What's “Shit,” Again?

Bimbo #1: Oh my god, like I could totally pickpocket you right now.
Bimbo #2: No you couldn't, I could like totally feel you!
Bimbo #1: Like I totally want to learn how to pickpocket.
Bimbo #2: I like want be a professional pickpocket.
Bimbo #1: Yeah, but you have to be all stealthy and shit.
Bimbo #2: There you go using big words again! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Kate Melvin

I Knew This Planned Parenthood Internship Would Pay Off

Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!? –Bathroom, Fordham University Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Welcome to the Dark Semester Of the Soul, Bitches

Professor: Apologies to everyone in advance, I seem to have the plague this week.
Student: Are you contagiously ill, or have you been on antibiotics for at least twenty-four hours?
Professor: No, not contagiously ill. It's nothing like H1N1 or anything, not that kind of plague. It's more of a the-crops-are-failing-and-women-are-giving-birth-to-stillborn-babies type of plague. Yeah. –Fordham University Lincoln Center Overheard by: Admiring Student

Wednesday One-Liners Must Be from Queens

Woman, texting: How do you pluralize "uterus"? –TKTS Booth Overheard by: DramaPirate Kids entertainer, singing: Do you know what a co-creator is? To create is to make something, and when you co-create, you do it together… –Kindergarten party, Williamsburg Cashier with cookbook: It's got a table of continents so you can see what's in it! –Department Store, 225th St Overheard by: Rose Fox Student: I just love adding "izzle" to the end of words. –Metro-North Coworker: UPS didn't have the tracking information at first, but then they found it… Good thing, because I was about to blow a casket. –Fordham University

Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem. –5th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Nerd Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo! –Milford Hotel Overheard by: not an asian call girl Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker! –Central Park Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit. –Fordham University Overheard by: who knew? Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore? –39th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it! –22nd & 9th Overheard by: Kate

What Was Wrong With “Bob Dylan”?

Literature prof: Carlos Fuentes and Octavio Paz were two Mexican intellectuals who wrote essays concerning what it meant to be Mexican. Can anyone name some equivalent American intellectuals who were concerned with what it means to be American?
Student #1: Steven Spielberg?
Student #2: J. K. Rowling?
Student #3: Bob Dylan?
Student #4: C. S. Lewis?
Student #5: Stephen King?
[silence] –Fordham University Classroom Overheard by: [Embarrassed] to be an American