Archive for the ‘Foreigners’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself


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Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America. –Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it. –1 Train Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing. –7th & 31st Overheard by: Greg Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight. –6th Ave & 54th St Overheard by: Dale

OMG! It’s Wednesday One-liners!

Priest: Please exit using the side doors as there are things going on in the front. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral Overheard by: Bryant Old lady: Jesus on a check? Oh well, I’m an atheist, so it doesn’t really matter to me. –E. 33rd Street office Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Jehovah can’t hear you when you hate me! –42nd between 10th & 11th Woman: You know, they tell those suicide bombers they’ll get 99 virgins when you get to heaven. 99 virgins! But if you blow yourself up in Brooklyn, you only get 50. Half off for Brooklyn. –CVS, Harlem Puerto Rican guy: Jesus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to listen to me. I know about your bunny rabbit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On July 30th we will all come together. I will wear a kippa. But you know you have to accept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talking to you now. The Flintstones told me not to. –4 train Overheard by: Matt F.

Wednesday How Many Liners?

Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany? –Barracuda Overheard by: barkeeper Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial? –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday? –N Train Overheard by: D-Law Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people? –ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: jennyooooo Student: Is Swedish even a language? –Columbia University Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both? –M86 Crosstown Bus

Daddy’s Favorite Second Choice

Barbershop quarter guy: Hey, she’s walking on the outside. That means she’s available. Tell that guy you’re with that walking on the outside means you’re available.
Guy: Um, she’s my sister. –Spring & Wooster Russian guy: You should introduce me to your sister.
Frat guy: Hell no, man.
Russian guy: I would introduce you to my sister.
Frat guy: Dude, what do you do in your country? Meet in neutral territory and swap family members? –23rd & 10th Overheard by: Mariclair Partee

Then I Can’t Help You because You’re Not Real

Brit: Hello, my HSBC debit card isn’t working at the ATM. The bank probably thinks there’s fraudulent activity since I’m in America and not in England.
Teller: Okay, I’ll check it out… I can’t seem to find your account, sir. What’s your social security number?
Brit: Huh?
Teller: Your social security number — do you not have one?
Brit: No…
Teller: Hmmm. Okay… –HSBC, 40th & 5th Overheard by: Rachel W. Headline by: have SSS #, am real Runners-Up:
· “…Then Please Sing the National Anthem.” – pbump
· “How About Your Penis Size, Then?” – Mikey G.
· “I’ve Contacted Homeland Security. Enjoy Syria.” – Daniel Patterson
· “Okay I Need You to Fill Out IRS Form W-7 and Apply for a Tax Id Number and Then Come Back to This Counter in 4-6 Months.” – Ty
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?" –Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now. –Metro-North Overheard by: fingerling Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid. –Hard Rock Cafe Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner. –McCarren Park, Williamsburg Overheard by: kalbijim Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning? –Williamsburg

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep. –Elevator, 56th & 8th Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama! –Terminal 5 Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses? –Cafe Esperanto Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator! –TriBeCa Overheard by: lalala Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox. –51st & 3rd Overheard by: IG Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers. –4 Train Overheard by: BQM lady Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats! –Astor Place

If You Want a Taste Of the Rainbow, Go for It!

Teenage Spanish girls: Mister, mister! Where'd you get that belt?
Guy: (mumbles)
Girl #1: You know that's the gay belt, right? That belt is gay, yo.
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #2: Yeah, that's the gay belt. You better take that shit off! Are you gay?
Guy: (shakes head)
Girl #1: Then take that shit off man! You can't have a gay belt. What store did you get it at? Didn't they tell you when you bought it? Mister, you better return that shit to the store!
Girl #3: Maybe he's bi. Hey mister, it's okay if you're bi. I mean, I like eating pussy. –Uptown N Train Overheard by: Jeff