Archive for the ‘Foreigners’ Category

His Next Move Was to Ask a Friendly Police Officer Where He Could Procure Some

Foreigner, showing bong: And here is what I bought today.
Ghetto kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? Tobacco?
Foreigner: Yes, I put the tobacco in here. The tobacco.
Ghetto kid: No, man. You gotta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
Foreigner: Weed? No…weed? I don’t understand.
Ghetto kid: Get some weed. You put a little weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
Foreigner: Yes, thank you. Weed.

–Brooklyn bound B train

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Models Are Easily Blinded With Science

European male model #1: You know, he’s albino.
European male model #2: Albino?
European male model #1: Albino? Albeeno?
European male model #2: Oh, albeeno, I know what that is. Red eyes.
American male model #1: What the fuck? Blue eyes, man.
European male model #2: No, red. They don’t have enough…
European male model #1: Ferment.
European male model #2: Yeah, not enough fermentation in their eyes. It’s biology… That is biology.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Julie

Wednesday One-Liners Remember When It Just Meant “Happy?”

Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later.

–Bushwick

Overheard by: uninvited party guest

Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up.

–Avents

Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay?

–35th & Broadway

Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom.

–10 express bus

French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there?

–Graham Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind

One Nation, Under the Crown

Australian guy: Hey there, mate! I was just wondering if you were hiring staff.
Irish bar man: Yeah, we are, but you will have to speak with the boss. He is gonna be back in about 10 minutes. Do you have any experience?
Australian guy: Well, yeah, I’ve been doin’ this for about three years back home in Sydney.
Irish bar man: That’s great… Sure, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m getting sick of all the foreigners that they keep hiring.


Headline by: Barry Negrin


Runners-Up:
· “52-Across: “Foreigners” Ans: N-O-N-W-H-I-T-E” – Eddie
· “Between the Long Islanders and the Brooklynites, this place is going to hell” – M.dubz
· “I only hear in black and white” – h
· “I’ll have a shot of contradiction with an irony backer” – LN
· “It’s getting so hard to find people who speak American.” – Noh
· “See? Even THEY Can’t Tell Their Accents Apart!” – Jatmos
· “Will the last American to leave NYC please remember to bring the flag?” – Beth
· “You should have seen this Injun that came in yesterday” – trainedmonkey




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

We Don’t Serve That Here, Redux

Customer: I would like a coffee, a white coffee.
Barista: Excuse me, sir? You’d like…white chocolate in your coffee? We don’t do that.
Customer: Mo, I mean…like a black coffee, but with milk…a white coffee?
Barista: Where are you from, sir?
Customer: Near London, in England.
Barista: That’s the fourth one today, you English are crazy! –Starbucks, Times Square Overheard by: Adrian