Fat guy: I love you.
Cute girl: Do you really mean what you say, or are you just saying it?
Fat guy: Of course I mean it. [They make out, then chick leaves.] What a dumb bitch.
–W4 station
Overheard by: Ting
Archive for the ‘Foreplay’ Category
Apparently My Years of Intensive Instruction Have Paid Off
Lady #1: So, apparently my son was over at Jessie’s house, and they were ‘touching.’
Lady #2, reminiscing: Oh, the petting…
Lady #1: I know, what a tramp! So anyway, Jessie’s mom was concerned about it, but I told my son, ‘Damn, you go boy!’
–Wall St
Overheard by: also likes the petting
I’m Over It Now, Though, in the Daylight
Bimbette #1: I know you guys made out and had sex. You had a little crush.
Bimbette #2: Well, he was nice to me.
–12th & 4th
So We Watched TV — That Was Okay, Actually
Guy #1: So she told me that she wants to make out more.
Guy #2: Huh?
Guy #1: She wants to sit and make out but not have sex.
Guy #2: Why bother making out if it isn’t going to end in sex?
Guy #1: That’s what I said.
–15th & Colfax
Overheard by: sean b
Asimov: I Got a Book Out of It, of Course
Girl #1: … And then he finger-fucked Isaac Asimov.
Girl #2: [Falls down laughing.]
Guy: Yes, exactly.
–Columbia University
Good Points Were Made on Both Sides
Crazy crackhead to himself: Bitch! They stole my fucking money! You know they did this one! You just fucking fall asleep and they just jacked me. Fucking cunts. [Undressing] I mean, fucking seriously! I just paid them and I just pass out and they just fucking steal my money. Those fucking asshole cunts. Where the fuck is my stash?!
McDonald’s manager: Sir, please put your pants on. There are children around.
–McDonald’s near Madison Square Garden
Insatiable Wednesday One-Liners
Guy on cell: No, no, no! He said they came to search him and he swallowed it.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Teen girl at human limbs exhibit: Hmmm, I’m hungry.
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Frat boy on cell: I miss you, baby. I love ya. I want to taste your saliva. Call me later when you’re drunk.
–University Pl & 14th St
Overheard by: Erin
Bimbette lighting a cigarette: This probably isn’t what I should be having for breakfast.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Man on cell: Have you talked about coating her in peanut butter and jelly and eating her like a sandwich? No? Okay.
–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MmmSandwich
Mom: Who’s the yummiest baby in the world? Is it you? Are you super-duper yummy?
–115th St & Broadway
Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters
Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: if walls had ears
Get in Line, Buddy
Girl on cell: You don’t play with my tits enough! You just go right to it, and avoid the girls! I need some titty action!
Suit on cell, listening: I gotta go, I have to try to pick this girl up. I’ve never had a better come-on line in my life!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: VERONICA
Wednesday One-Liners Set the Bar Low and Then Step Over It
Friend: First you suspect he’s a date rapist, and now you’re worried he isn’t going to call? –Union Square Trendy woman: I need to be touched by a man in a loving way…It doesn’t even have to be loving. –Pirates of the Caribbean 2 advance screening, the Ziegfield Overheard by: Nick Draven 20-something girl on cell: I just wanna kiss someone! –M15 bus Girl: I’m going to make out with someone tonight. I’ve already decided. –4th St, between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: Ted Well-dressed guy: You just hate that you can’t get a one-eyed, homeless black guy to think you’re hot. –B train Overheard by: Sugarnuts