Archive for the ‘Frat Boys’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Forgot Their Coffee This Morning

Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!

–Amtrak Train

College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!

–6 Train

Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wait what?

Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!

–Doctor's Office, Astoria

Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: trev

…But Then We'd Be Late for Our Spa Appointment. Sophie's Choice!

Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Which We'd Said Many Times Before, in a Slightly Different Context…

Middle-aged frat boy #1: So one night, we decided to sleep at Arby's.
Middle-aged frat boy #2: So how did that work out for you?
Middle-aged frat boy #1: Not well. We had to leave. Bob could have blown like a .4, and he was the most sober of us. So he drove to this hotel, and we didn't notice until the next day that it was Punxsutawney where the groundhog is! We woke up and were like, “why are there all these beavers?”

–7 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise