Archive for the ‘Frat Boys’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box

College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.

–113th St & Broadway

Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?

–2 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: amalthya

Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!

–10th st & 1st Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Raise the Roofie

Woman on phone: Mommy, how many people do you know who have been raped as much as her? None, exactly!

–Midtown East

Overheard by: dtrain

Woman on cell: And I didn't get raped on the subway today! It's always a good day when I don't get raped.

–6th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: that's always good

Teen meathead on cell: Wait what? I can't really hear you. (pause) You got raped? Wait… physically or emotionally? (pause) Both? Shit.

–American Eagle Dressing Room

Overheard by: Alyssa

College bro to friend: Nah, dude, it's even better than a date rape drug!

–East Village

Girl: There are some girls who he would be more likely to rape. She's not one of them.

–Graham Ave

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.

–Yankee Stadium Museum

Overheard by: sternie

30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: ENGLEBERT

Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Josie

Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.

–88th & 1st

Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!

–Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Forgot Their Coffee This Morning

Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!

–Amtrak Train

College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!

–6 Train

Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wait what?

Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!

–Doctor's Office, Astoria

Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: trev

…But Then We'd Be Late for Our Spa Appointment. Sophie's Choice!

Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can't um… help you.
Creepy dude: I'm not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Vicksburg