Archive for the ‘Free stuff!’ Category

Beacause Stupid Is Truly Colour Blind

MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I'm black?

–MoMA

Overheard by: Oh Kelly…

Headline by: The Limey

Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” – samson

· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” – john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” – no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” – Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” – Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” – BenGay


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?

–Columbus Circle

Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?

–East Village

Overheard by: bb

Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kristen

Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right?

–42nd St & 6th St

Overheard by: tourists rock

Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?

–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field

Overheard by: AJ

Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alexis

Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jackie

Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?

–Grand Central Station

Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Overheard by: The City Planner

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Two-Drink Minimum

Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!

–Times Square

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)

–Broadway

Overheard by: Wojo

Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?

–Broadway & 49th St

Overheard by: Theo

Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.

–51st & 8th

Overheard by: PartyByNight

Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gradstudent

Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!

–Times Square

Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery

It's Not Delivery– It's Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.

–Queens College

Overheard by: Suze

Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's!

–Ray's Pizza

Overheard by: Darwin

Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?

–Slaughtered Lamb Pub

Overheard by: sinko

Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lily

You Know You've Hit Rock Bottom When You're Not Classy Enough for the Penn Station Starbucks

Hobo: Do you have a small sample?
Barista #1: We're not giving out any samples.
Hobo: Do you have a cup?
(barista hands him a cup, hobo starts to walk to back of store)
Barista #2
: Sir, where are you going?

Hobo: To the bathroom.
Barista #2: We don't have a bathroom.
Hobo: Can I have some water?
Barista #2: No! And do not come back here! Have a nice day!

–Starbucks, Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah

He's Not Allowed Back at the Sperm Bank for the Same Reasons

Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample?
Barista: I'm sorry?
Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee.
Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore.
Crazy dude: Huh?
Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas?
Crazy dude: No.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Flea

Headline by: drkipper

Runners-Up:
· “I Was Just Venti-ng” – fuvvcckkk

· “In His Defense, No One Else Thinks That It’s Really Coffee Either” – Peter G.
· “Naomi Campbell’s Lesser Known Brother Strikes Again” – Jakal
· “The Sequel to “Memento” Lacks the Narrative Drive Of the First” – Toby
· “You Should See What He Did at the Sex Shop Down the Street” – Charlie


Click here to see the new Headline Contest