Archive for the ‘Free stuff!’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea! –Times Square Overheard by: Patrick Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman. –48th & Broadway Overheard by: MsPrint Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries! –Times Square Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other? –Times Square Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs. –W 43rd St & 9th Ave Overheard by: Daniel

The High Times Of Wednesday One-Liners

Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine. –Borough Hall, Brooklyn Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one! –Astor Place Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show! –Times Square Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously. –27th & 7th Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class.. 30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better. –Union Square Overheard by: Brainy

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around. –7th Ave & 14th St Overheard by: Miss C Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect! –Guggenheim Museum Overheard by: Antartic Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue. –MoMA Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit. –Downtown Brooklyn Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin 12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn. –MoMA

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore! –2nd Ave & 4th St Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em! –Fordham University Overheard by: eternal student Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me? –Times Square Overheard by: Sara Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership! –Park Ave & 31st St Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him! –Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Are You Fucking With Me, Ma'am?

Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub. –Sephora, Times Square