Archive for the ‘Free stuff!’ Category

It's Not Delivery– It's Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places. –Queens College Overheard by: Suze Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's! –Ray's Pizza Overheard by: Darwin Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet? –Slaughtered Lamb Pub Overheard by: sinko Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza! –9th St & 1st Ave Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat! –Union Square Overheard by: Lily

You Know You've Hit Rock Bottom When You're Not Classy Enough for the Penn Station Starbucks

Hobo: Do you have a small sample?
Barista #1: We're not giving out any samples.
Hobo: Do you have a cup?
(barista hands him a cup, hobo starts to walk to back of store)
Barista #2: Sir, where are you going?
Hobo: To the bathroom.
Barista #2: We don't have a bathroom.
Hobo: Can I have some water?
Barista #2: No! And do not come back here! Have a nice day! –Starbucks, Penn Station Overheard by: BK

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator. –Chelsea Market Overheard by: eSong Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos. –City Hall Park Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here! –34th St Overheard by: Jessica 30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show… –14th & 3rd Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!" –West Village Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo. –Hunter College Overheard by: Sarah

He's Not Allowed Back at the Sperm Bank for the Same Reasons

Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample?
Barista: I'm sorry?
Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee.
Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore.
Crazy dude: Huh?
Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas?
Crazy dude: No. –Starbucks Overheard by: Flea Headline by: drkipper Runners-Up:
· “I Was Just Venti-ng” – fuvvcckkk
· “In His Defense, No One Else Thinks That It’s Really Coffee Either” – Peter G.
· “Naomi Campbell’s Lesser Known Brother Strikes Again” – Jakal
· “The Sequel to “Memento” Lacks the Narrative Drive Of the First” – Toby
· “You Should See What He Did at the Sex Shop Down the Street” – Charlie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest