Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art… –9th St & Ave C Overheard by: Juliet Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy. –Soho Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible. –Pratt Institute Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas. –Whitney Museum Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps! –Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: Me too Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far! –Times Square

I Need Compassion and an Alibi

Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man… –52nd & Madison Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!

…But It Gets Blown a Lot.

Tall, hot hipster brunette: I mean, when I see girls flocking around him when he's DJing I just think “oh, they are DJ whores.”
Little Asian friend: Uh-huh.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: But this girl has never seen him DJ or anything. I don't get it. It's beyond my level of comprehension.
Little Asian friend: It's okay, me too.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: It's like he has a slut whistle and we cannot hear that frequency. –Brooklyn Overheard by: muffin

It’s Part of the Elementary School Curriculum Here in New York

Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled. –Crowded 6 Train Overheard by: ear hustler