Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

The High Times Of Wednesday One-Liners

Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.

–Borough Hall, Brooklyn

Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!

–Astor Place

Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!

–Times Square

Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..

30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brainy

Why Is This Girl Riding the Subway?

JAP: Oh my god, I can’t wait to move into the city. I can’t take my house anymore, my parents are always up my ass. Gabby, what time will you be home? Gabby, don’t forget to tell Rosa to pick up your dry cleaning! Gabby, we’re paying your tuition, you can’t treat this house like a hotel! It’s so annoying! I just wanna be on my own, I can take care of myself, I don’t need them constantly doing stuff for me!
Friend: Yeah… So where were you thinking of moving?
JAP: I dunno, my dad said he might let me move into his apartment on 89th. Either that, or a partner at his firm is selling a co-op that he might buy for me. He said I can choose.

–Uptown W train

Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.

–27th St & Park Ave

20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"

–Pub, 59th & 3rd

Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard

20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Lauren

Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.

–116th & Broadway

Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: Anna

And If It’s a Miscarriage?

Guy: …And I said, “Thanks”, and that I would rape the shit outta her later.
Girl: And I said, “Oh yay, I’m gonna have a little rape baby.”
Guy: And we would name her Janelle. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Chad

Wednesday One-Liners Have More Stomachs Than a Cow

Teen boy: I like touching fat people.

–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CUMT

Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!

–25th & 8th

Overheard by: Beckerman

Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.

–34th & 5th

Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!

–35rd St & 5th Ave

Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."

–Theater, St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

Wednesday One-Liners Bust Out One-Armed Pushups for Fun

Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet.

–44th & 3rd

Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle…

–25th & Lexington

Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Eyeteeth

Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness!

–Vanderbilt & Bergen

Overheard by: Jilly

Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back.

–Prospect Park Loop

Overheard by: EmLo