Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

There’s This Mailbox I Know…

Guy #1: What you got going this summer?
Guy #2: I got like 3 jobs.
Guy #1: That’s crazy. Work’s cool and everything, but that don’t leave no pussy time. And I’ve got to be fucking some bitch. –Lehman College bookstore

The Fallacy of Insufficient Sample Size

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn’t working out. I guess I’m not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I’m a hairdresser. How original. Just because I’m a hairdresser you think I’m gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.

–9th & B

Overheard by: GavinM

Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!

–Kittichai Thompson Hotel

Overheard by: Never walked away with anything

Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd

That Makes 14th Street the Mason-Dixon

Girl: I’m going to have a boring weekend. I’m not really doing anything except one of my friends is guest bartending at this bar Coda on 34th street so I’m going to that.
Guy #1: I think I’ve been there.
Guy #2: Is that on the North or South side?
Girl: Oh I haven’t lived in New York to learn the New York lingo.
Guy #2: Well, there’s a North side and a South side of the street. –43rd & 5th

International Wednesday One-Liners Of Mystery

Lady: So I do everything my friends do. She starting dating a Turkish guy, so so did I.

–Hookah Bar, Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: HookahFanatic

Teenage girl to another: His name was "ingles," but he didn't know a single word of ingles. That's ironical.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Karishma Gurtu

Father to two young sons: There were 1.5 million Manhattan Indians, so only the Dutch could tell you what happened to them.

–Outside the Federal Reserve

20-something girl to friend: I think I must be French. It takes me like, five hours to finish a sandwich.

–Broadway & 39th St

Woman: At least the earrings weren't as expensive as a Chinese daughter.

–116th St & 8th

Overheard by: Matt & Stacy