Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!

–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!

–Hudson & Morton

Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]
Girl, pulling away
: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]


–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St

Overheard by: Bex

Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."

–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: scrubs

Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Don't Complain About Your Food to a Starving Person

Chatty, obnoxious girl #1: My last relationship was a disaster. He just didn't treat me well. He was very disrespectful. How is your man doing?
Chatty, obnoxious girl #2: I don't know. He says he loves me, takes me out all the time, is always calling and paying for everything. He even writes me long romantic notes and spends time with me whenever he can. It's just kind of lame, you know? I just told him I loved him to shut him up.

–E Train

Overheard by: Xander

At Least the Turtlenecks Hide My Hickies

Nanny #1: So, he is four years old and totally into Scooby Doo — games, toys, DVDs, vitamins, pajamas… He has everything.
Nanny #2: That is so cute.
Nanny #1: Not really. He always wants to be Daphne. And the worst part is that I always have to be Velma.

–A train

Overheard by: Jim

But Miami's Warm– Why Is Everyone There So Attractive?

Teen punk girl: You know, I don't get why people wear uggs. They're all like, “oh, they're warm, they're warm! I don't care if they're warm, they are not attractive!
Teen hipster friend: Yeah, I know, right?
Teen punk girl: There's many things that are warm, but that are not attractive. North Face ski coats are warm, are they attractive? No. Fat people must be warm, are they attractive? Fuck no!

–110th & Amsterdam

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!

–19th & 6th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art