Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster! –Queens Mall Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin. –College Point Shopping Center Overheard by: Yesenia Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater? –Waterside Plaza Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me? –M23 Bus Overheard by: Rose Fox Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us. –15th St & University Place Overheard by: Sarah M.
Woman, to young daughter: See? That's a banana, this is the “peel.” P-e-a-l.
Man across the aisle: It's spelled p-e-a-l only when it's for a bell.
Woman, indignantly: Bells don't have peels! –Penn Station Overheard by: P. Marino
New Jersey wife: Well, when you get lemons–you make lemonade!
New Jersey husband: That's bullshit! Did you ever hear of the lemon law? –W 72nd St
Guy #1: I used to know the price of a bag of weed. Now I know the price of a pound of New Zealand apples.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know. I used to know the price of a lap dance from a good stripper. Now I know the price of an engagement ring.
Guy #1: What happened to you? –33rd St & Broadway Overheard by: Todd
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too? –Starbucks, Staten Island Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia
Man #1: So I'm lookin down there, and I see my girlfriend tugging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was masturbating with a banana, and she squashed it and it exploded inside of her! Haha!
Man #2: That's completely disgusting, your girlfriend is a freak and you should reconsider licking her butt, like you said you do for her. –Staten Island Overheard by: TOOBxSOCKS
Bearded man: To save time, you should pour your apple juice in with your tea, to make apple-tea.
Unbearded man: That’s crazy talk.
Bearded man: Well, you’re the one who suggested I go on the pill. –Diner, 59th & 7th
Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question. –Columbia University Overheard by: Poogins Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25! –Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!" –Penn Station Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: T. Ryan
Woman #1: Wow, are those peaches?
Woman #2: Yeah, peaches.
Woman #1: Wow, I thought they only grew in poor countries. –Community garden, 9th & C
Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit. –83rd & 16th, Brooklyn. Overheard by: Porko Rico