16-year-old girl to girlfriend, with contempt: Are you eating a banana? You’re just like my mother!
–AIDS walk, Central Park
Man to female coworker: No, my head really looks more like a grapefruit than a peanut.
From the flight deck before takeoff: I’m only gonna say this once: You have to turn off your laptop, iPod, Game Boy, CD player, BlackBerry, blueberry, strawberry, cherry, and Halle Berry — yes, you have to turn her off, too! You have to turn off anything that isn’t keeping you alive.
–JetBlue flight, JFK
Overheard by: B.G.
Teen boy to friend: Did you know that in California it’s illegal to peel an orange in a hotel room?
–34th & 6th
Hipster girl: I have an apple and some Prozac.
–19th & 6th
Hot chick: My boyfriend actually just said to me, ‘I think you should learn how to shoot grapes out of your pussy!’ Then he made space-gun noises.
Overheard by: Argopelter