Archive for the ‘Fruit’ Category

Let’s Hop on a Bus, Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on? –Bx12 bus Overheard by: Courtney C Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about? –Bx9 bus Overheard by: ogie Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check. –M14D bus Overheard by: Sherri

36 Chambers of Wednesday One-Liners

Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island. –LIRR Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland. –53rd & 6th Overheard by: The Sock Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad! –G Train Overheard by: paco Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.] –Staten Island Ferry Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island. –1 Train Overheard by: Smarlow

That’s the Third Time This Week

Bimbette art student #1, pointing at fresh grapes: I don’t get why they call ‘olive-skinned’ people ‘olive-skinned’. No one’s skin is that color!
Bimbette art student #2, after closer inspection of fresh grapes: Yeah, but those olives look messed up, I think they’re fake. Real olives are, like, darker or something.
Bimbette art student #1: Yeah, those olives are too light, that’s it. No one’s skin is that color of… of light green.
Cashier: Uhm, are you ladies in line? Can I get you some… Grapes?
Bimbette art student #3: Yeah, those olives are totally fake, that must be it.
[Group leaves deli.]
Cashier: Did that really just happen? –27th & 5th

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts. –A Train Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season? –Halloween Adventure Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples! –35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria Overheard by: kathcom Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony! –Downtown 6 Train Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls. –Downtown 6 train Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon! –NJ Transit Overheard by: J. Ra Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies. –Soho Overheard by: Edan

Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’ –Bedford Ave Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep! –Manhattan Mall Overheard by: Auston McLain Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole! –LIRR Overheard by: mish Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass. –5th Ave & Union Overheard by: Stephen Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it. –Restroom, JFK Overheard by: colette Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion! –Empire State Building, 34th & 5th Overheard by: Wendy Booz

Wednesday One-Liners Prevent Scurvy

16-year-old girl to girlfriend, with contempt: Are you eating a banana? You’re just like my mother! –AIDS walk, Central Park Man to female coworker: No, my head really looks more like a grapefruit than a peanut. –1250 Broadway From the flight deck before takeoff: I’m only gonna say this once: You have to turn off your laptop, iPod, Game Boy, CD player, BlackBerry, blueberry, strawberry, cherry, and Halle Berry — yes, you have to turn her off, too! You have to turn off anything that isn’t keeping you alive. –JetBlue flight, JFK Overheard by: B.G. Teen boy to friend: Did you know that in California it’s illegal to peel an orange in a hotel room? –34th & 6th Hipster girl: I have an apple and some Prozac. –19th & 6th Hot chick: My boyfriend actually just said to me, ‘I think you should learn how to shoot grapes out of your pussy!’ Then he made space-gun noises. –Stuyvesant Town Overheard by: Argopelter