Obese black woman, explaining 9/11 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending's not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn't it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn't have a washing machine there.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Archive for the ‘Gadgets’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Conduct Themselves
Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere!
–LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rob T Firefly
NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars.
–Penn Station
Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Samantha
Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything.
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Ellen
Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train.
–Downtown N Train
Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know.
–6 Train
Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, Instead
Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same.
–Wall St.
Overheard by: krazyhippie
Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not!
–10th St & FDR
20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy.
–W 19th & 5th Ave
Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!"
–Mercer & W 3rd
Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel.
–171st St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Low Hat
Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high.
–PATH Station
Overheard by: smjcnj
30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Evil Triangle
I'd Start Building an Ark
Girl using photo printer: Mine's all messed up. Why is it messed up? When you did it, it printed out fine. Why isn't mine like yours?
Photo lab guy: I don't know. Maybe god hates you.
–CVS, Astoria
Much As I Love the United Negro Pizza Fund
Hobo, approaching preppy teens: Hey do y'all have some money so I could repair the motor on my giant helicopter?
Preppy teenage girl: Uh, sure.
Preppy teenage boy: Yeah, only because that's the coolest fucking reason ever.
–7th Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Horchata
My Boyfriend Makes That Mistake in Bed All the Time.
NYU girl #1, failing to light her “cigarette”: What the fuck!?
NYU girl #2: Honey, that's your flash drive.
–Outside of Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Totally Made Me Shutter.
Film student girl #1: How was it?
Film student girl #2: Dunno. He definitely shouted out “Hasselblad.”
–Bobst Library, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
My Boyfriend Makes That Mistake in Bed All the Time.
NYU girl #1, failing to light her “cigarette”: What the fuck!?
NYU girl #2: Honey, that's your flash drive.
–Outside of Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Smokey Says, “Only You Can Prevent Wednesday One-Liners!”
Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"
–Chinatown
African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.
–Midtown
Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.
–Jamaica Station
Overheard by: Tim
Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Where there's smoke
He Looks So Cute in His Jammies
Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox.
–Bloomingdale's
Overheard by: yeppers