Archive for the ‘Gadgets’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Conduct Themselves

Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere!

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rob T Firefly

NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars.

–Penn Station

Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Samantha

Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything.

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Ellen

Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train.

–Downtown N Train

Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know.

–6 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, Instead

Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same.

–Wall St.

Overheard by: krazyhippie

Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not!

–10th St & FDR

20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!"

–Mercer & W 3rd

Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel.

–171st St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high.

–PATH Station

Overheard by: smjcnj

30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

Smokey Says, “Only You Can Prevent Wednesday One-Liners!”

Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"

–Chinatown

African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.

–Midtown

Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.

–Jamaica Station

Overheard by: Tim

Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Where there's smoke