Archive for the ‘Gadgets’ Category

Which Goes Well with My Skin

Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn't come it any other colors. Just beige. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: misskitty

Every Night, I Pray for More Wednesday One-Liners

Disgruntled MTA worker, to no one in particular: See? I don't like human beings all that much. I like animals, they mo' fo' real. (venomously) Y'all better be glad I'm not god. –6 Train 30-something white guy to friends: I live in Mesopotamia, 'cause the gods are gangsta! –W 83rd & Columbus Ave Older MTA worker, comforting young passenger: GPS: Guidance, patience, strength. Give it over to god. Trust that motherfucker is going to handle it. Give me GPS and I can handle the rest! –Union Square Subway Stop Bag lady, drenched in rain: The joke's on you, god! –9th St & University Place 20-something guy on phone: So then she tells me the reason my dad died is because god was trying to hurt me! –Union Square Overheard by: talker's remorse 30-something: I mean…he's a good looking guy, but then he found god. –39th St

Plug-and-Play Wednesday One-Liners

Female tv & radio producer: I don't understand how women can have kids today when there are Blackberries. –Bloomberg Overheard by: Yalie09 Man to woman at bar: That's the beauty of freezers! –Bar, 13th St Woman, to nobody in particular: Excuse me, but does anyone know how to use a Blackberry? I just got it today. –Long Island Railroad Girl on cell: It's not my fault, it's the technology. –W Houston & Hudson St 14-year-old boy to mother: She spends hers on books, markers; on beads for her hair; I spent mine on this PDA to organize my life! –F Train Overheard by: ap.scigaj

TiVo: Oh Fuck, Not This Again

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo… –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: Noel Coward

Like Being Pummeled by Thousands of Tiny Penises

Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]
Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager. –Brookstone, Manhattan Mall Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one

I Did, for Christ’s Sake!

Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know — are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay… I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don’t know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th — first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English. –J&R Music, City Hall Overheard by: Hugh

Wednesday One-Liners and the World of Tomorrow

Little boy to mom: I didn’t know that sometimes alarm clocks don’t work. This conversation is over now. We are not discussing it anymore. –F train, Park Slope Thug: Don’t whiz on the electric fence! –D train, Fordham Rd station Overheard by: Jess McGins Guy shouting at motorcyclist revving engine: It’s a fucking Yamaha! It’s only a fucking Yamaha! –St. Marks & 2nd Ave Overheard by: shadday Ghetto chick: Dwayne stole that iPod, anyway. He should have given it to me for free! –14th St station Overheard by: am I missing an ipod? Guy: It’d take a big-ass blowtorch to circumcise a robot. –Waverly Pl & Greene St