Archive for the ‘Garbage’ Category

He Hates Sweeping Up Shattered Ethnic Stereotypes

Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn't like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don't have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn't keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh. –Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Wednesday One-Liners Give a Hoot and Don’t Pollute

Conductor: Last call for trash… Last call for trash… One last, desperate call for trash… –Amtrak, Penn Station Overheard by: wondering why he wanted trash so badly Lady: I can say this without any rancor in my heart: She is a piece of human garbage. –Houston & Hudson Overheard by: Harriet Vane JAP on cell: Ugh, I hate when they ask me to buy a Coach purse! I wouldn’t even buy it retail. Like, really, do I look like white trash? –Canal St Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a reminder not to litter on the trains… ‘Cause if you litter, I’ll get all up in your grill like George Foreman. Thank you. –R train, Whitehall station Overheard by: creepy Guy on cell: Guess what I did yesterday? I peed in a bottle… Wait, that’s not even the best part! Afterward, I threw it down the trash chute. What? Too much information? –33rd St, between 3rd & Lex Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe. –Mott & Prince Overheard by: Anna P. College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm? –Downtown 1 Train Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute. –Gates to Fordham University Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away! –118th St & Amsterdam Ave Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended. –63rd St & Broadway