Coloring kindergartner #1: Some animals have poison in them.
Coloring kindergartner #2, looking worried: Like kittens?
–Community Center Office
Archive for the ‘Gay Man’s Best Friend’ Category
Meet the People in Charge Of Programming for Fox
Hobo #1: Yesterday was about embarrassing questions, like “what is a fart?”, or “what is a belch?” Or “why does my pussy stink?” Or “what is plastic surgery?” And they show portions of plastic surgery. And it's a program that I really connected to… It has the highest ratings. I'm up at six o'clock, walking my cats, waking my ass up.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I watch that show too…
Hobo #1 interrupting: No, that's not the same that some acting tv dramas. This 'bout real shit, it's about real questions and real answers. Most people don't even know what their bodies look like. But they got psychologists, they got surgeons…
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: typing it all into my blackberry as fast as I could
But They Have the Cutest Little Raspy Voices!
New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That's why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
Early in Life, Girls Start Drafting a Long List Of Requirements
Four-year-old blond girl: Can we get whipped cream?
Dad: No, we don't need whipped cream.
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is whipped cream!
Dad: No, honey, All You Need Is Love.
Four-year-old blond girl: No! All you need is whipped cream! And kitties!
Dad: (laughs)
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is kitties! All you need is kitties!
–Trader Joe's, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kristin Ostby
…Are You in Heat Again?
Girl in back of crowd: Meow!
Boy in front of crowd: Meredith!? Is that you!?
–Astor Place
Cat: I Can Has Ballz Back?
Bimbette: So my cat jumps into my bed last night, like he always does, and he snuggles up next to me and all that, and as I'm petting him, I think, “I know he loves me 'cause I take care of him and everything… but does he also think I'm pretty?” You know?
Friend: (silence)
Bimbette: I really hope he thinks I'm pretty. I mean, like, compared to the other humans he's met. Right?
Friend: You are a) a total narcissist; b) totally creepy; or c) both. I'm leaning towards c).
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Unfortunately, he's just using you for food.
Are You Fucking With Me, Ma'am?
Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.
–Sephora, Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box
College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.
–113th St & Broadway
Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?
–2 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: amalthya
Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!
–10th st & 1st Ave
…Except That It's a Mailbox.
Drunk girl, seeing dog: Oh my god! That is the cutest cat I've ever seen!
Drunk friends, nodding: Yes!
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alyssa
Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy
Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."
–Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
–34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!
–One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
–60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox