Archive for the ‘Gay Man’s Best Friend’ Category

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her. –59th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: aenigma NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again. –Forsyth St & E Houston St Overheard by: Dave-o Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy! –Barnes & Noble, Bayside Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole. –Ale House, MacDougal St Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow? –86th & 3rd Overheard by: Jana

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name. –The Point Knitting Cafe Overheard by: Heather Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean! –NYU Hospital Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!! Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them. –23rd & 8th Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat! –Central Park Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews… –Deli, 1st Ave Overheard by: Allison

This Is Worse Than That Time He Pooped Out Those Kittens

Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis! –3 train Overheard by: office peon Headline by: Garrett Berg Runners-Up: · “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz · “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff · “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA · “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that. –39th & Lex Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!” –Whitehall Ferry Terminal Overheard by: Steven Lowell Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey? –Museum of Natural History Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s. –19th & 6th Overheard by: CocteauBoy 5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here? –59th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much. –American Wing Cafe, the Met Overheard by: guingel MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick. –Bleecker & Lafayette Overheard by: Brewster Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: Jon A. Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees. –Penn Station Overheard by: Jon Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will. –53rd & Broadway Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat. –10th St & 1st Ave Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop. –Q101 bus Overheard by: Kaleena Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus. –14th St 1 station Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard! –59th & 7th Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.” –The Strand, Broadway Overheard by: Miss Parker

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me! –23rd & 8th Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be. –6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset. –Ditmars Blvd, Astoria Overheard by: sara n. Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole? –West 4th Station

Will You Split the Payoff with Us?

Airport worker #1: Did you hear about that old black fireman in L? Called himself ‘The Big Dog,’ so the other white fire fighters snuck dog food into his food and then teased him with barking noises for weeks after…
Airport worker #2: No.
Airport worker #1: He sued for discrimination and got, like, a million dollars.
Airport worker #2: That reminds me, we’ve thought about sneaking you cat food. –JFK Overheard by: AJ

Eh, That Could Mean Anything.

Fat woman #1: Listen! I am telling you that that bitch stole my cat! I am absolutely positive that she mothafuckin' stole my cat!
Fat woman #2: Girl, she probably did, she's crazy. What made you so damn convinced that she did it?
Fat woman #1: Because I got a mothafuckin' text message from her sayin', “meow.” –Liquor Store, Brooklyn