Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.
–1 New York Plaza
Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?
–Wall Street
Overheard by: …I almost asked
30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.
–Court St. & Montague
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!
–G Train
Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips
Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!
–Queens
Archive for the ‘Getting Jolie’d’ Category
I’m Glad I Aborted His Baby
Woman #1: He slept with Mary?
Woman #2: And to think that I was this close to falling in love with him.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Now He’s Planning to Trade the Woman and the Magazines For the House
Clerk: 20 copies [of ELLE Decor]?
Older man: My Hamptons house is on the cover.
Younger woman: Actually, it’s not his house anymore.
Older man: It’s my ex-wife’s.
Younger woman: Yeah, he traded the house for me!
–Magazine shop, Gramercy
Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again. –uptown C train Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it! –43rd & 6th Overheard by: C Mike
Wednesday One-liners, American Idols
Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street! –Magnolia Bakery Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband! –The Prime Grill, 49th Street Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog. –in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave
It’s Impossible to Keep Them All Straight
Girl #1: Oh my god. My boyfriend just cheated on me.
Girl #2: Holy shit! Which one?
–Olive & Bette’s, W Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: striped shirt
Another Major Deposit
Thug #1: I heard he’s in some shit. Married, two kids, child support,
a wife, girl on the side, and she just found out about his boyfriend.
Thug #2: Yeah, that’s some shit.
–15th & 3rd
Overheard by: Garrett Ricciardi
Wednesday One-liners Make Parenting Fast & Easy
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy? –15th & Washington Sq. W Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
There’s an SAT Question Here Somewhere
Dude: Wait, who’s Pete?
Chick: Pete’s the guy who’s sleeping with John’s girlfriend.
Dude: Oh, right.
–Office, 48th & 6th
Overheard by: this guy
Guy #1: You mean the roommate who sleeps naked on the top bunk?
Guy #2: No, that’s Bobby. I’m talking about Steve. He’s the one who farts all the time.
Guy #1: My bad.
–81st & Broadway
Overheard by: Dr. X
In the Mood for Wednesday One-liners
Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Zac Stone