Archive for the ‘Getting Off’ Category

Or, You Know, Whatever

Dude #1: You got laid last night, so shut up. Although I never saw her, so I don’t know what she looked like.
Dude #2: Neither do I…
Dude #1: Yeah, I thought about staying up and waiting just to get a look at her.

–17th & Irving

Overheard by: B-Round

Engorged and Tingling Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: emilia

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.

–B train

Overheard by: Janelle

Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ktg

Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.

–Bus to Staten Island

Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’

–Fordham University

Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?

–40th & 5th

Overheard by: don’t wanna know

But Instead I Just Tape It and Send It to Jason

Roommate #1: Were you dreaming about Jason last night? You were moaning so loud it woke me up.
Roommate #2: Oh my god, I was? Have I ever done that before?
Roommate #1: All the time. Every once in a while I think about kicking you or something to see if you cum.

–NYU

Say, Aren’t You My Congressman?

Older man: Hey, can I ask you about that digital camera you have?
20-something guy: Yeah, sure. Thinking of buying one for your kid or someone?
Older man: When you take pictures on that thing, do you have to bring it to the photo store still to get developed?
20-something guy: Oh, no. I mean, you can and they can do it for you, but I usually just print–
Older man: –You can print them at home, right? Okay, good, because I sometimes take personal pictures, and I hesitate to bring them to the photo store. Doing it in private would be better for me. Now, I can delete them or save them in a secret hiding place at home too… Right?
20-something guy: … Uh, I suppose.

–6 train, Union Square

Overheard by: Matty K