Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client. –48th & Madison
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap! –39th & 6th
Guy #1: Hey, answer me seriously, what would you do if one day I killed our neighbor?
Guy #2: I would turn into a giant penis and spray semen all over the city. –A train
Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now. –Da Andrea, Hudson Street
Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah. –Metro-North train Overheard by: rDave
Chick #1: Look, this one lights up and oh, there’s a bunny on the
Chick #2: In case the orgasm wasn’t enough? –Toys in Babeland, Mercer Street
HS girl: I didn’t want to listen to my dad explain sex to my mom.
HS boy: Why would your dad explain sex to your mom?
HS girl: Because my brother asked what the song, “Come my lady, come, come my lady” meant. And mom didn’t know.
HS boy: What does that song have to do with sex?
HS girl: You don’t know? You’re the only person in the world who doesn’t know.
HS boy: Your brother didn’t know.
HS girl: My brother is 7. –M104 bus Overheard by: Susan Elliott
Jewish man: But I was here first! I was waiting!
Black chick: All right sir, just calm down. It doesn’t matter. Get a life.
Jewish man: Why don’t you go back to jail?
Black chick: Yeah, and why don’t you go get some viagra or something?
Jewish man: Yeah, I’d need it for you.
Black chick: Fuck you, bitch! –Court Street Office Supplies, Brooklyn Hights Overheard by: mrmcd
Hipster girl #1: I mean, I feel bad for not finishing him, but I didn’t want to break the tradition. He’s never been finished before right?
Hipster girl #2: Never, and I think he’s a little traumatized ever since that girl threw up on his…you know. –Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl #1: …so he’d just sit in the back of the room jerking off and nobody could say anything because he was special.
Girl #2: Let me get this straight: he couldn’t control his motorized wheelchair but he could beat off?
Girl #1: Where there’s a will there’s a way. –Tisch School of the Arts, Broadway & Waverly Overheard by: D