Very Straight Guy: Hey, it’s not like I’m giving Ellen DeGeneres a claddagh ring! –Jeremy’s Ale House Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Man: What do you give a 16 year old Republican besides a kick in the teeth? –Barnes & Nobles, Park Slope
Indian guy: You better not buy me anything!
Slightly older Indian guy: Okay, I won't buy you anything. C'mon.
Indian guy: Where are we going?
Slightly older Indian: We're going to the dark alley.
Indian guy: The place I really like?
Slightly older Indian : No, the place I really like.
–138th St & Amsterdam Ave
Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!
Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.
–Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Vincent L.
Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…
–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.
–23rd & 3rd
Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?
–City Hall New York Sports Club
Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!
Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.
20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.
20-something woman on cell: I fuck you, I get dinner. He fucks you, he gets a house!
Girl: Earthquakes come every ten years, and it's not that bad. It's not like your house goes down or something.
Overheard by: mia
Excited kindergartner: We played house and then we played going to the co-op!
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Elderly man to another: People are gonna kill people, they just need to do it in their own house.
–Austin St & 77th Ave
20-something: So yeah, we used to hang out in elementary school. He'd come over my house, kinda like a "whose cock is bigger?" kinda thing.
Overheard by: AnnaBanana
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
Overheard by: Ashley
Bar guy #1: Wow, we gotta thank Jeff for all of this.
Bar guy #2: Yeah, we'll give him a blowjob later.
Overheard by: EchoNYC
Girl #1: You still haven't told me what you want for Christmas.
Girl #2: I don't know, um, I like books…
Girl #1: You like books, or you like reading books?
Overheard by: Heidi
Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?
–9th & 47th
Overheard by: wondering
Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!
–W 72nd St, Record Store
Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…
(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!
–KMart, Penn Station
Overheard by: RoverUSA
Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.
Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…
–86th St & Lexington