Archive for the ‘Gifts’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with? –9th & 47th Overheard by: wondering Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex! –W 72nd St, Record Store Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime… (40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that! –KMart, Penn Station Overheard by: RoverUSA Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid. –M15 Bus Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents… –86th St & Lexington

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong. –Penn Station Overheard by: Steve Popovich Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday. –8th St & 5th Ave Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus. –Nederlander Theatre Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum! –4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day… –42nd & Madison Overheard by: Eve

And You’re Not the Only One

Girl: I need to get something for my boyfriend for valentine’s day. I’m thinking of some panties and an outfit from Victoria’s Secret. What do you think?
Boy: That’s nice. I like dirty panties. Hanes tighty whities for women. I like them real dirty and crusty lookin’, like she just rolled around in some shit.
Girl: You nasty! What’s wrong with you?
Boy: Don’t be hatin’, that’s what I like. –R Train Overheard by: Chris

People Move to New York to Escape Their Wednesday One-Liners

Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife… She’s my second cousin… She was also my second wife. –136th St, Harlem Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, ‘How do I spell my name?’ –D train Overheard by: Jess McGins Loud woman on cell: She’s evil! Don’t you know she killed mama? That’s the family secret! –Q83 bus Overheard by: It’s Jady, BiTChesss!! Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron! –11th Ave Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don’t know why… She’s such an ungrateful little bitch. –Grand Central Man on cell: … So she said, ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it… You have a four-year-old son.’ –26th & Park Overheard by: Nick

I’m Thankful for My Family

Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares! –Prospect Heights Overheard by: Michael Barthel Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking. –F train Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year. –West 4th Street & 6th Avenue Overheard by: Scott Hoffman Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…” –A train Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat. –Fine Fair, Avenue C Overheard by: Catechist Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we? –6 train Overheard by: Chris Mohney

Does It Come in Flavors?

Teen guy #1: Yo, I was Christmas shopping with Julia and her other friend at Sephora, and they got the weirdest fuckin’ gift for Anne.
Teen girl: What was it?
Teen guy #1: Well, we walked into the store, and Julia asked if they sold this cream that you put on your ass that takes away, like, stretch marks and pimples on your ass and shit. It was fuckin’ nasty. They got her ass cream.
Teen guy #2: That’s fuckin’ weird, yo. It’s like, ‘Oh, Anne, I was thinking of getting you this really nice sweater for Christmas–‘ ‘–Forget the sweater! All I want is some Grade A ass cream!’ –Movie theater, Battery Park

He Looks So Cute in His Jammies

Woman picking out watch for Christmas list: I'll put this one on my list. Carl'll get it for me.
Friend: What are you gonna get him?
Woman: I'm taking him to the eye doctor and getting him glasses.
Friend: So he can see how pretty you are.
Woman: Actually, it's so he can see his Nazi zombies on his Xbox. –Bloomingdale's Overheard by: yeppers