Archive for the ‘Girls’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's

That's the Last Time I'll Babysit a Middle-Schooler for Only 5 Bucks an Hour

Relatively sober girl: Bruce, you can't sleep here. You live in Queens. Your bed is in Queens.
Drunk guy: No, this is my new home. I live here now. (points at the wall)
Relatively sober girl: Bruce, go home.
Drunk guy: I am home.
Relatively sober girl: No, your house is in Queens. Go there.
Drunk guy: Queens? Okay. (points to the left) I'm going to go that way cause it's longer. No…wait, (points to the right) That way.
Relatively sober girl: Whatever! I did not sign up for this tonight. –9th St & Ave A

Wednesday One-Liners Eat Boogers

Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst… –Nathan's, West 32nd St Overheard by: SuzeV Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out! –Duane Reade, 14th & 1st Overheard by: Lillian Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over! –96th and Broadway Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle. –jet blue terminal, jfk Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it. –Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit