Archive for the ‘Glad the Condom Broke’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear! –Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?! –Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard! –Blockbuster Overheard by: Abram Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself. –Brooklyn-bound F train Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?! –48th St & Madison Overheard by: Micaela

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Dan Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo. –American Museum of Natural History Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy! –Used Furniture Store, Staten Island Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol! –A Train Overheard by: Swarles Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me! –Empire State Building Overheard by: Claire Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate. –The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing Overheard by: Taylor

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex. –Dumbo, Brooklyn Overheard by: Tanya Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem. –64th & Amsterdam Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you! –Target Store, Brooklyn Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later. –28th & Park Avenue South Overheard by: Alie Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again? –61st & Amsterdam

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph? –Playground, Houston St, Soho Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals! –Pier 46, Hudson River Park Overheard by: skeptical james Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt? –Flushing Playground Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger! –Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope Overheard by: Kendra Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this? –Penn Station Overheard by: i feel the same way Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night! –Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square Overheard by: wooohoooo Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you! –American Museum of Natural History