Security guy to suit: Why do you all feel like congratulating me for his win? Just cause I'm black doesn't mean I should be congratulated. Why do you keep doing that? What the fuck did I do?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: pop pop
little boy to father: When are the bad people leaving the White House so Obama can be President?
–Grocery Store, 71st & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Rena
FedEx guy to shipping clerk: Obama's gonna go uptown and say, "that's right, niggas, I'z here!"
–W 26th & 6th Ave
Angry black woman on cell: Excuse me! Obama is our President now and I won't be calling you "massa" anymore. You understand?
–Worth & Broadway
Middle-aged black man sitting at bus stop: Not "yo mama," not "Osama," "Obama!" They should paint the White House black. No…that would be irresponsible. Maybe caramel.
–125th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Nicole
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I want to wish you all a dry, cozy, Obama weekend. Now could you please spare some change for a hungry man? (young black man gives him change) Now that is an Obama voter. (looks around at white people) I will also accept change from McCain voters.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Steph
Guy on phone, announcing to the bar: My baby can say "Obama"!
–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St
Overheard by: Karin
Archive for the ‘Glad the Condom Broke’ Category
A Pox on You and Your Substitute Religion!
Five-year-old girl to five-year-old friend: The earth doesn't belong to us, we belong to the earth. Did you know that?
Friend (frustrated): Yeah, I know!
–Co-op Eevator, Queens
Sweet Georgia Brown Loves Basketball
Three-year-old girl: They got balls!
Mom: Balls?
Three-year-old girl: Yeeeeah!
–Globetrotters Game, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: amira
Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own
Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan
Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.
–American Museum of Natural History
Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!
–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island
Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!
–A Train
Overheard by: Swarles
Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Claire
Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.
–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing
Overheard by: Taylor
Be a Good Sport, Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Please note, you heard it here first: I’m watching the Super Bowl only for the commercials. The Giants are going to be so far ahead of… the other team… it’ll be a boring game. We gonna whoop them by at least 15, 20 points. But the commercials are going to be great!
–A train
Overheard by: love this conductor!
Blind hobo to no one: You know why black basketball players are better than white ones? Because Jesus was black, so they’re like Jesus!
–1 train
Black teen girl, to three teen boys: Super Bowl! Super bowl?! What the hell does that mean, ‘a Super Bowl’? Didn’t you ever think about how stupid that is?!
–F train, 4th Ave
Overheard by: Theresa
Eight-year-old boy: You can’t have a Cowboys game without the cheerleaders. There go half the male ticket holders.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Guy who is clearly not Eli Manning: What do I do? My name is Eli Manning, and I play for the New York Giants.
–Upper West Side
Guy randomly wipes out on the sidewalk, flat on his stomach with arms stretched out in front of him. Everyone stares.
Nearby cop: Safe!
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: Bananaphone
Your College Tuition Plan Revolves around My Life Insurance
Dad: How about pizza for lunch?
Four-year-old boy: No, I think we need to eat something healthier than pizza.
Dad: But it’s really healthy. See, it has all those tomatoes on it.
–Pinnacle
And You’d Better Throw in a Coke, to Make It Fair
Mom: What are those?
Daughter: Sour Patch Kids.
Mom: Can I have one?
Daughter: No.
Mom: Why not?
Daughter: I paid for them.
Mom: And I gave you life. Now give me one.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Nicole
For the Last Time, It’s Called a Padded Bra
Mom: John, you’re killing me!
Son hugging her tightly: Wear your armor next time.
–Outside the Met
Overheard by: Sumo
Andy Sensed a Dangerous Alliance Forming
Mother: You have to cut her chicken fingers up. I gave her a whole one the other day and she almost choked to death.
Father: I like for her to learn to take bites.
Mother: She’s not ready.
Two-year-old daughter: I’m not ready, Dad.
–Diner, Midtown
W.C. Fields: Quite a Set of Lungs on the Little Moppet
Five-year-old tourist girl: Daddy, don’t lie to your wife!
–Deli
Overheard by: persephone