Hobo: Fuck God! I am God, and God is dead. –Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
Archive for the ‘God’ Category
FYI: They Didn’t Get Any
Player: Nah, I don’t really think I’m God. More like one of his disciples. –Coffee Shop, Union Square Overheard by: Ashley
Satanic Fashion is Always Hot
Boy#1: So what are you going to do? Go to gospel choir practice or go shopping?
Boy#2: The sales are this week. God…is…forever.
Boy#1: …you may be going to Hell, but at least you’ll look good going.
–East Village
Overheard by: michi-L
If This Conversation Goes on for Much Longer, There Definitely Isn't a God.
Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?
Girl: I believe in mother nature.
Boy: You don't believe in god?
Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of nature.
Boy: But you believe in her?
Girl: What?
Boy: Mother nature?
Girl: Mother nature is not like a person… It's just a saying for nature.
Boy: Wait… What? Oh… (pause) I thought she was like a tree or something.
–Regal Cinema, Union Square
Overheard by: Noeman Samdani
We Also Would Have Accepted “Oprah”
Mother: I want you to always be safe whenever you're in the woods, a lake, or the mountains.
Boy: But I'm always in control!
Mother: No one's always in control.
Boy: What about Michael Phelps?
Mother: No. The only one always in control is…?
Boy, bored: God.
–The Strand
Overheard by: amused family member
Jersey Retaliated by Flipping a Giant Table at Them
Drunk guy, watching fireworks: Oh, man, they're bombing Jersey…
Girl: Thank god.
–West Side Highway
“C___k N____s” to the Orthodox
Teacher: So, “third person omniscient” means the narrator knows the thoughts and feelings of everyone in the story. It's almost like God is telling the story.
Student: Or Chuck Norris.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Just When You Thought You'd Experienced All the Ways to Be Rejected by a Woman
Indian-looking woman in sari: Achoo! (sneezes)
Man: Bless you.
Indian-looking woman in sari: Oh, no. Thank you.
–Busy Laundromat, Astoria
Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter
Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…
–Astoria
Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.
–Manhattan Bridge
Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?
–Lincoln Center
Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Media addict
French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.
–Long Island City
Overheard by: Sunny
Maya Angelou Was a Tedious Child
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I like flying.
Father: Why is that, honey?
Three-year-old girl: I like looking at the clouds. They are god's house.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Heather