Guy: OK, everyone who’s wearing the same clothes today as they did last night, raise their hands! –5th Ave.
Archive for the ‘God Squad’ Category
Oddly, She’s the World’s Biggest Menorah
Nun #1: The lady who is the Statue of Liberty is Catholic.
Nun #2: Someone told me she was Muslim, but I think they were just trying to keep it safe from airplane attacks.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Joseph Lo Cascio
Are You Ready to Accept Wednesday As Your Personal One-Liner?
Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It's not the sun. It's hell!
–Times Square
Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.
–Downtown A Train
Street bible pusher: Don't wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!
–6th Ave & 32nd St
Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: LiD
Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There's nothing good about you!
–8th Ave below 23rd St
Sinners Are Always More Sinful on the Other Side Of the Door
Crazy Jesus guy: Repent! Judgment is upon us, and we are all sinners!
Suit: Hey, there are some sinners in the next car.
Crazy Jesus guy: We indulge in things, and it's a sin!
Suit: Some really bad sinners.
Crazy Jesus guy: Repent!
Suit: They're just there in the next car.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Nora
A Long Time Ago, Baby. Now Fuck Off.
White man: You going to church too?
Black woman: Yes.
White man: You know, I just started crying last week at service. It is so powerful.
Black woman: I know.
White man: I mean, our next President will be the last President before the Antichrist comes. Are you ready to be saved?
–Foster Ave & Marlborough Rd, Brooklyn
Dildo and Crack Shopping, Mothafuckaaa!
Old man with sign reading “sinners without faith are going to hell”: Do you know where you're going?
Hot girl: Yeah, old man…I'm going shopping.
–W 53rd St
Overheard by: Melissa Platt
If It Conflicts with the Barney's Sale, We're Gonna Have a Problem
Elegant woman in business suit: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I just wanted to let you all know that Jesus will be arriving soon.
Tired worker: Sure lady, one moment. Let me get out my datebook.
–6 Train
Overheard by: hunterboy
Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man
Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!
–Broadway & Prince
Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?
–Fordham Plaza
Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?
–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone
Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.
–E Train
Overheard by: Giggling at crack
Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Alfie
We Invented Jesus
Young, religious guy: Hey! Do you know Jesus?
Older guy: Of course, I'm Catholic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lily F.
Sorry Babe, I'm Keeping the “X” in “Xmas”
Man whore on cell: So for Christmas, I'm going to that strip club I met Susan at…just to do something special, ya know.
Religious woman: Because nothing says “I love my savior” like topless sluts and lap dances.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jasper