Archive for the ‘God’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs… –Astoria Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses. –Manhattan Bridge Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right? –Lincoln Center Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular. –Shuttle to Times Square Overheard by: Media addict French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back. –Long Island City Overheard by: Sunny

The One-Liners on the Wednesday Go Round and Round, Round and Round…

Bus driver: This bus is at capacity, so do me a favor: Move I-N, not O-U-T, and that's what she said. –M14D Bus Overheard by: The Average Commuter Bus driver: Next stop is Malcolm X… No, it's not. What's his cousin's name? Oh yeah. Next stop is Frederick Douglas Boulevard. –M60 Bus Overheard by: polaco Bus driver: When exiting the bus please take all of your trash with you. If you leave it on the bus you are a horrible person. –34th St Bus Bus driver, singing at every stop: Fifty niiiinnnth and Central Park Souuuuuthhhh. Ladies and gentlemeeeeennnn, have a wonderful daaaaayyyyyy! –M4 Bus Female bus driver: Everyone, squeeze in, I won't move this bus until ya'll are behind the line. Move back! Move! Squeeze! Remember to say "excuse me"! Move back! I will pull this bus over, ladies and gentlemen, move behind the line! (everyone shuffles a few inches back) It's a miracle! Thank you, Lord! –BX12 Bus Overheard by: Erica S

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? –Bus Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something? Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to. –Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights Overheard by: I wish I knew more Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God… –The Bronx Overheard by: ground floor music lover Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore. –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: That took a turn

Get a Little Cardio Without Your Ears Bleeding

Loud evangelist, shouting in packed subway car: And so I discovered that Jesus Christ is the only messiah! I found the Lord! I found the truth and the light!
Trapped passenger #1: Could you turn it down a little?
Loud evangelist, shouting in packed subway car: I was a sinner! I spent thirty-five years running from the word of the Lord!
Trapped passenger #2: At least you could run… –A Train Overheard by: peeper

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay. –L Train Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch. –NYC Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend! –8th St & 5th Ave Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work! –Victorian Flatbush Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that? –NYU

A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore! –50th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Kate Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it! –St. Mark's & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Hannah Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning. –Governor's Island Ferry Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday! –18th & 3rd Overheard by: Maria Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies. –PJ Clarke's