Archive for the ‘God’ Category

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

Now Playing: Wednesday One-Liners

Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ross

Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.

–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square

Overheard by: Holly

Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Richard

Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"

–NYU Dining Hall

Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mark Nilges

Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

What About Hamburger Helper, Smart Guy?

Old man #1: You've seen that guy at the deli. You see behind the counter? The guy's only wearing one glove. Now you can't do all your work with one hand, can you? The lord gave you two for a reason.
Old man #2: Only one man can do magic with one glove. That's Michael Jackson.
Old man #1: And his magic done run out.

–M10 Bus

Overheard by: Alexandra

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Wednesday One-Liners Tartare

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium-rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn't.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It's me

Stroller-pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze-dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it's like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Holy Wednesday One-Liners, Batman!

Agitated man: God gave you a penis and a road map to the world! You don't need maps!

–Washington Square & University Place

Tween: God wants me to get drunk tonight!

–3rd & Mercer

Four-year-old child to mother: Mommy! We have to go to church on Sunday. God is going to repent us on Sunday!

–R Train

Overheard by: Marie

Hobo: And then I fucked god!

–Heckscher Playground, Central Park

Overheard by: Shiki

Jewish girl to friend: Oy! My bagel looks like god jerked off on it.

–Guy & Gallards, 34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Awkwardly eating his breakfast

Drunk girl to drunk friend crying on her coat: It's always so hard when you lose your soulmate in the bathroom line, but it's like, god works in mysterious ways, you know.

–W Train

Overheard by: Wes

Our Data Shows a Strong Positive Correlation Between Wednesday and One-Liners

Young woman on phone to friend: I have a fucking physics degree! I can read! He trusts me to run a motherfucking particle accelerator, I can read the mail!

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Eggmen7

Hobo holding a crumpled napkin high in the air: Science! S-c-…-i-e-n-…-c-e! I did it! Science! Science! S-c-i…-e-n-c-e! I did it!

–Mulberry & Spring

Overheard by: Erica L.

Suit to friend: I'm an evolution science guy. If you want to believe in that nonsense then you gotta admit your god is an underachiever with a good publicist.

–45th b/w 6th & 7th

Woman to teen who has just spilled his coffee on sidewalk: Yeah, gravity is interesting like that.

–35th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jeggy

Male student to female student: Looking out for yourself–the id, the ego–it's part of natural selection, human nature, you know? But there aren't that many people who choose to try to overcome that. Or if there are, I haven't met them. If there's a colony somewhere, I'd like to meet them. Maybe it's just like going to the wrong nightclub, you know?

–Hoffman St & E 187th St

Overheard by: Lucy

Dude on cell: How are you, on a subatomic level?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle