Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything.
–W 28th St
20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!"
–42St & 2nd Ave
NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written.
–Mercer & W 4th
Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too
40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it.
–Outside Five Guys Burgers
Archive for the ‘Google’ Category
The Magic Eight Ball Of Our Century
Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.
–Lafayette & Walker
Overheard by: Jesse G.
And Now You Expect Me to Walk??
Girlfriend, exiting cafe: I told you you should have googled this place before we drove all the way here!
Boyfriend: I'm sorry. Let's just go into the city! Bars are open until five there!
Girlfriend: You couldn't entertain me in Brooklyn for half an hour. What are you going to do with me in the city until five?
Boyfriend: Walk up and down the city streets!
–Bedford Ave & 6th St
A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
And I Can't Read Any Of It
60-something veteran: Are you on google?
60-something friend: Yeah, I'm on google. I'm on everything!
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: CJ
Psh, Even Queens Has Moved On
Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.
–Court St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Your Editors Got 197,000,000 Hits
White guy: Honestly, this sounds crazy, but I've never been able to find actual porn on the internet.
Asian girl, indignant: Dude. You just google “porn.”
–Bleecker St
WTF?
Asian cabbie: I am happy cabbie!
Man: I'm sure you are! (goes to hail another cab)
Asian cabbie: You google me! You google, happy cabbie, happy cabbie!
–Ave of the Americas
They Wouldn't Put Anything on the Internet That Isn't True!
Older brunette woman: I'm thinking about dying my hair blonde, and maybe I'll even dye the hedges!
Older red-haired woman: Is that safe?
Older brunette woman: Hm. Let's google it!
–CVS Pharmacy
That's Why the Internet Was Invented, Brainiac
Guy #1: I typed “gentrification” on Google Images and I got titties.
Guy #2: Man, you can type in anything and get titties.
–Bushwick