Archive for the ‘Gossip’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…

–Chinatown

Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park

That's How Much I Respect Her.

Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum.

–1 Train

Overheard by: gio

Wednesday One-Liners: Soon to Be Gentrified

Ghetto woman on cell: No, no… he ain't ghetto. He ghetto fabulous.

–28th & Lexington

Ditzy tourist: Did you know that, like, all the trains with numbers go to all the rich places and all the trains with letters, like, go to the ghetto areas.

–6 Train

Loud guy: Is that a 50 cent soda? You know you in the ghetto when you got a 50 cent soda.

–Jackson Heights

Woman on cell: That bitch is mad ghetto. She wore her wedding dress to work.

–Lenox & 118th St

Overheard by: K

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln