Archive for the ‘Government’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Make Beautiful Music Together

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…

–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave

Overheard by: jeff

Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?

–1 Train

Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?

–Fordham

Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Phil

Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.

–7 Train

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"


–M66

Overheard by: Charley

Wednesday One-Liners for Tara Reid

Girl on cell: I'll adopt it, the state gives you money for retarded kids.

–48th & 6th

Guy to friend, disdainfully: And she's always like, "I work with Down syndrome kids," at… computer camp or some shit.

–4th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

Girl: I think he is sexually retarded.

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Abdul Marcos

Glitzed up Jersey girl to friends: I look so good right now, it's retarded.

–Ladies Room, Penn Station

Older man on cell: My dog has one of those retard vests, he can get into any restaurant in New York.

–W 23rd St & 6th Ave

Which Was Saddam's First Mistake

Columbia girl, looking at cell phone: Oh shit, I have like five missed calls from State Department! Should I call them back? Is it too late now?
Columbia guy, bewildered: What? The State Department?
(girl's cell phone rings)
Columbia girl
: Hi, daddy. Well, I realize that, but I just got them. Well, do you think it's too late to call back now? Okay, I'll call them ASAP.

Columbia guy: What did your dad say?
Columbia girl: He told me that when the State Department calls, you should probably answer.

–Le Monde, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: bored prof