Archive for the ‘Government’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Sleeping with Their Secretaries

Suit on the run, after accosted by street charity worker: I don’t want to save a child! I want to go to a meeting!

–53rd & Lex

Suit: Yeah, I don’t think I could work for the government. All they do is kill people.

–23rd & Park

Suit: I don’t play hard to get; I play hard to like.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Brian

Suit on cell: I just got back from São Paulo. That place looks like New York threw up on L.A.


Suit on cell: What do you mean scientologists are following you? … No, you can’t stay at my place tonight…

–6th Ave

Overheard by: E.Major

All-Volunteer Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: Join the Army, get a Frisbee!

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Suzie

Girl on cell: Wait, what’s his name? Jihad?

–8th & University Pl

Marine to cute girl: I’d pay to have sex with you.

–Times Square

Overheard by: joe osmundson

Music teacher: So, you’re getting you hair cut, and you keep going, and… And next thing you know you’re in the Army. Wait, that was a bad analogy. I’ll think of a better one, don’t worry.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: LSB

Crazy guy: You’re so beautiful. Why don’t you stop the war? If you’re so beautiful, why don’t you stop the war?

–F train

Overheard by: Just going home

Hipster: Ryan* is so not married! He’s got some military job that, like, forbades him to be married!


Outlaw Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!

–W 34th & 7th

Overheard by: nisey79

Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!

–110th & Lenox

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Krissss

Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.

–6 train station, 59th St

Overheard by: Jackie

Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: In debt on the F train

Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!

–6 train

Reality Is What They Had before TV

Female student #1: I feel bad for Czar Nicholas, because not only did he get overthrown and exiled, but Rasputin came in while he was gone and messed up his whole country.
Female student #2: What, you mean like in Anastasia?
Female student #1: No, I mean in, like, real life. The movie was based off real life.
Female student #2: Wait, you mean Rasputin was real?

–Bleecker & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Actually, That’s More Thought Than the Military Has Put into It

Dude #1: You know gay guys can’t be part of the Army?
Dude #2: Nah, man. That’s grimy. Why would they deny gay people like that for?
Dude #1: Well, lesbians are allowed to serve, just not male lesbians.
Dude #2: Dude, male lesbians are straight guys, aren’t they?
Dude #1: Oh, my bad. I meant gay guys. Yeah, gay guys.
Dude #2: Why can’t gay guys be in the Army?
Dude #1: ‘Cause they’re afraid straight guys will beat the shit out of them.
Dude #2: Well, why don’t they have, like, a separate battalion for them, you know what I’m saying?
Dude #1: Dude, that’s segregation. That’s illegal.
Dude #2: Isn’t it segregation by not allowing them to be part of the Army?
Dude #1: Word. That’s mad deep.

–E23rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Lisa