Archive for the ‘Grand Central’ Category

I Knew You Loved Me!

B&T girl: I am going to ask you one more fucking time and then things between us are over. Give me one fucking cigarette!

Boyfriend takes out one cigarette and throws it on the sidewalk.

B&T girl: Thank you!

–33rd St & Third Ave

Overheard by: HelloClairice

They Even Go to the Bathroom Crazy

Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, motherfucker!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I wasn’t looking–
Hobo: Mutherfuckin’ faggot. Probably same faggot pissin’ AIDS all over everybody. Oughta put a bullet up you ass… –Grand Central men’s room Overheard by: john chianese A hobo has peed on himself. Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bathroom without all you bitches starin’ like it’s something new? –Prospect Park

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University

Oh, These Guys Would Respect You Like Crazy

Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.

–Grand Central Station

Assuming You Enjoyed Any of That

Teen girl #1: How many guys have you slept with?
Teen girl #2: Let’s see… There was the rape — haha, remember that? I don’t count him. Then there were the two guys I had butt sex with. Let’s not count that either. I’d say about nine? I can’t remember the exact number.
Teen girl #1: Oh, you’re fine, then.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Claire

Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?

Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there. –Grand Central Overheard by: Rehey

…And, Frankly, You're Lucky I'm Even Talking to You.

Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks.

–Post Office, Grand Central

Overheard by: Adam Lazarus