German tourist: You can’t smoke inside and you can’t drink outside. What the hell do you people do in New York City? –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Christopher
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
Punchlines without Straightlines
Very Straight Guy: Hey, it’s not like I’m giving Ellen DeGeneres a claddagh ring! –Jeremy’s Ale House Overheard by: Megan Buckley
The Virtue of Selfishness
Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE]
Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish!
–6 Train
There Are Niche Fetishists Who Would Pay Top Dollar for That Footage
Guy #1: I just don't like the look of the outie. And sometimes she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she's fuckin' hot! And you're complaining when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she's not rubbing against me, she's rubbing the outie against me–big difference! And she's only doing it to creep me out, 'cause she thinks it's funny.
–6 Train
And He's Not Even Cute
Gay guy: I don't know, like, I've just had such a bad week, it's been terrible.
Friend: It's like A Series of Unfortunate Events, dude!
Gay guy: You're so right. Count Olaf is like, all up in my grill!
–8th & University
Overheard by: sophie
When Compliments Attack!
Woman to friend, in crowded line: I feel like I'm in a department store. I'm riddled with anxiety.
Friend: If you don't get good customer service, you walk the fuck outta there! I am anal about customer service in the gym.
(they reach the cashier)
Friend to cashier: Hey, lady, you actually know how to do your job. They should make you manager, so at least someone around here does what they're supposed to.
–Wholefoods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Katherine
If You're Intimating That They Smell Like Hairy Vagina, You Are Correct.
Young gay man: These two girls I live with don't shower.
Older gay man: Ugh! That's so Bushwick.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Natty
When He Caught an Episode Of The Bad Girls' Club, He Went Into a Coma.
Woman, as train stops: Mmm-mm… Excuse you!
Younger man: Huh?
Woman: You cut in front of me.
Younger man: How did I cut in front of you? You get up, and the people closer to the door go first. Like on a plane.
Woman: You cut in front of me, and a gentleman never cuts in front of a lady.
Younger man: Right. And a lady doesn't go “mmm-mm… Excuse you!”
–Grand Central Platform
Your Sandwich-Making Skills Are Fairly Middling.
Obnoxious girl: I want the meat closer to the bread.
(employee tries four different configurations trying to figure out what girl wants)
Obnoxious girl: No, I want the meat closer to the bread.
(worker pulls out some of the center of the bread)
Obnoxious girl: Now that you have mangled it, I want new bread.
–Subway, 110th St & Lenox
We're New Yorkers, Dude.
Old white guy: Hey man, how are you?
Black delivery guy: Pretty good, man, can't complain…
Old white guy: Why not?
–Henry & Montague
Overheard by: Priya Ahuja