Girl to roommate, after dog-sitting: I'm sad… I don't have anyone to stick their wet nose in my tushy.
–96th St & West End
Guy dressed as Santa: I just need my butt to evaporate.
–6th Ave & Waverly
Older black dude to another: She know I ain't go fuck with her, as big as her ass is.
–10th Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: julie
Frustrated tall boy: Does it look like I have an ass? No! It does not!
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny Lawrence
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?
Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!
–Dos Caminos, Soho
Overheard by: Tommy
Best. Career Counselor. Ever.
Young Betty #1: Well, then, just stop complaining and become a hooker.
Young Betty #2: I don't even like sex with my boyfriend.
Young Betty #1: See? You're already nuts… you might as well get paid.
–R Train
Wish I Had Someone to Hate
Little girl #1: Do you have a boyfriend?
Little girl #2: Yes, and I hate him.
–Starr St.
Overheard by: Asizzle
Though, to Be Fair, on the Way Here a Hobo Spit on Me.
Bratty kid to mother: I hate this! I'd rather we went to the zoo instead.
Unrelated older teenage girl: I'd rather be here than have a llama spit on me at the zoo.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: KJPepper
Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
I'm All, “Haven't We Covered That, Ally McBeenthere?”
Lady: I hate it when lawyers ask the same questions twice.
Clerk: Yeah, I know.
Lady: No matter how you rephrase it, the answer is still the same.
Clerk, laughing: Yeah.
Lady: I tell you: book smart, a little dense.
–Court Building, Centre St
To Be Fair, Have You Forgiven Rodney Dangerfield for Making Ladybugs?
Guy #1: I really, really hate that guy.
Guy #2: But he's been dead for years.
Guy #1: Yeah, I know. I wish he were alive so I could wish he were dead.
–2nd Ave
…I Don't Have Anything to Say, Either!
Demonstrator on microphone: I used to hate homosexuals, I used to be the one who beat up homosexuals. Now that I found Jesus I love homosexuals!
Man next to him, on megaphone: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I have a megaphone!
–Union Square
Mrs. Henderson Worked the Stroll for Years
Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: That's too bad. I don't like to stroll; I like to have a destination.
Caregiver lady pushing wheelchair: Where would you like to go, then?
Impossibly old lady in wheelchair: Bed!
–Prospect Park