Little kid: You never take me anywhere!
Mom: How can you say that to me? We went to the Prospect Park Zoo last weekend. You've been to Disney World!
Little kid: You never took me to the Twin Towers.
Mom: 9/11 happened two weeks before you were born.
Little kid: See!
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category
Stupid Babies
Teen girl #1: Ugh, I hate that when you get pregnant you have to get a new belly ring.
Teen girl #2: Ugh! I know, that's why I'm not getting one yet.
–Bus Stop, Queens
The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners
Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…
–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave
Overheard by: jeff
Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?
–1 Train
Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?
–Fordham
Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Phil
Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.
–7 Train
And It'll Be a Lot More Fun Now That I Can Actually Hold My Liquor!
Girl #1: Real New Yorkers hate LA. I'm sure I'd hate it if I had to live there.
Girl #2: Yeah, la's terrible. I wouldn't mind living in San Francisco, though, because I was baptized there.
Girl #3: I don't know, LA's kind of fun for like a year.
Girl #1: When did you live there?
Girl #3: Third grade.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bunbury
Um, Actually I'm Being Honest.
Man selling comedy tickets: Hey! You guys look like you would enjoy some comedy and free drinks.
20-something man: No, I hate all of those things.
Man selling comedy tickets: Jeez, you don't have to be so sarcastic.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Comediphile
Um, Aren't You a Little Old to Watch Hannah Montana?
High school girl #1: I love Hannah Montana but I hate Miley Cyrus. She's like a role model, you know? She shouldn't have taken those pictures, but… If she, you know, shouldn't have leaked them.
High school girl #2: I don't think she…
High school girl #1: Well, I know, but still!
–Flushing
Another Day at Work, Same Old Shit.
MTA worker #1: I'm sick of trains… I think I might go back to the dump.
MTA worker #2 : Dump? Like trash and shit?
MTA worker #1: No, not dump like shit. Not like “taking a dump” as in “shit.”
MTA worker #2: Yeah, so “dump” like trash and shit.
MTA worker #1: There's no shit involved, man!
–Q Train
Overheard by: taylor
James Earl Jones Takes Himself a Little Too Seriously
Comedy show peddler with very deep voice: Hey, do you guys want to see a comedy show?
Teenage girl, making fun of his voice: No!
Comedy show peddler: Why the hell not?!
Teenage girl: We hate comedy!
Comedy show peddler: Goddamnit, what the hell is wrong with you?!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lauren
Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.
Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!
–F Train
Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.
–3rd & 84th
Overheard by: Daniela
Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !
–Q Train
Overheard by: Taylor
Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.
–Library
Overheard by: Elyse
Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.
–81st St & Columbus Ave
Doing This Job Is Enough to Make Anyone Hate Comedy.
Comedy girl: Hey! Do you like stand-up comedy?
20-something power-walking girl: I hate comedy.
Comedy guy: I love you!
–48th & 7th