Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

When Compliments Attack!

Woman to friend, in crowded line: I feel like I'm in a department store. I'm riddled with anxiety.
Friend: If you don't get good customer service, you walk the fuck outta there! I am anal about customer service in the gym.
(they reach the cashier)
Friend to cashier
: Hey, lady, you actually know how to do your job. They should make you manager, so at least someone around here does what they're supposed to.


–Wholefoods, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine

When He Caught an Episode Of The Bad Girls' Club, He Went Into a Coma.

Woman, as train stops: Mmm-mm… Excuse you!
Younger man: Huh?
Woman: You cut in front of me.
Younger man: How did I cut in front of you? You get up, and the people closer to the door go first. Like on a plane.
Woman: You cut in front of me, and a gentleman never cuts in front of a lady.
Younger man: Right. And a lady doesn't go “mmm-mm… Excuse you!”

–Grand Central Platform

You Cheeky Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl to roommate, after dog-sitting: I'm sad… I don't have anyone to stick their wet nose in my tushy.

–96th St & West End

Guy dressed as Santa: I just need my butt to evaporate.

–6th Ave & Waverly

Older black dude to another: She know I ain't go fuck with her, as big as her ass is.

–10th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: julie

Frustrated tall boy: Does it look like I have an ass? No! It does not!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny Lawrence

Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?

Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!

–Dos Caminos, Soho

Overheard by: Tommy