Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category

The Governor's Accent Tends to Throw People Off

Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!

–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Crazy Person

Wednesday One-liners Are Not Quite PC

Fat chick: So I’m at the movies yesterday and you know how I like to put my things on the seat next to me? And this blanquita wants to put her things in the same seat. So I’m like, whateva. So the movie ends and the blanquita is like, “Oh my God, my purse is still here!” You believe that shit? That bitch think that because I’m Latina, I’m just gonna steal her shit! So I got mad fuckin’ ghetto, I’m like, “Bitch, I’m not like that! And you should not be like, thinkin’ that like all Hispanics are like that!” Bitch got the nerve to say to me, “Well, I’ve been robbed before.” And I told that bitch, “Oh well, good for you; you lucky I’m in a good mood today ’cause I woulda robbed you and smiled at you while doin’ it!” –L train Overheard by: Reverend Ricky

Wednesday One-Liners Are Carrying Low

Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she couldn’t be pregnant — I mean, dude, that was last week.

–St. Marks & 3rd Ave

Preggers to male friend: And that asshole came up and body-slammed me on the train platform! Of course, everyone was looking at me like I’m the animal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s seven months pregnant and not feel bad?

–D train

Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan

Preggers to lady pushing to get to cupcake table: Lady, I am four months pregnant. Getting between me and those cupcakes is a really, really good way to lose an arm.

–Magnolia Bakery

Snotty actress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my acting type. Her script is so like, like — pregnant with promise.

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Emilia

Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Because then if I got pregnant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose baby is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’

–Grand Central Station

British mother to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was pregnant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daughter] And that’s why you like brown things.

–Varick & King St

Young woman to friends: And she keeps getting pregnant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’

–Columbia campus

Overheard by: Cheney

People Who Shouldn't Go to Japan

Average Joe: Short people are insufferable!
Shorter friend: Tell me about it!

–Bleecker St & Carmine St

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Headline by: Jane

Runners-Up:
· “…And They Have Limited Vocabularies and Will Agree With Anything” – Bob

· “I Thought I Just Did.” – Katie
· “That Scene From “The Wizard Of Oz” Was Like Hell on Earth!” – space coyote
· “To Be Fair, He Did Reply in That High-Pitched Cackle” – Kenneth
· “Tom Cruise Is Refreshingly Self-Aware” – Meg


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Don't Complain About Your Food to a Starving Person

Chatty, obnoxious girl #1: My last relationship was a disaster. He just didn't treat me well. He was very disrespectful. How is your man doing?
Chatty, obnoxious girl #2: I don't know. He says he loves me, takes me out all the time, is always calling and paying for everything. He even writes me long romantic notes and spends time with me whenever he can. It's just kind of lame, you know? I just told him I loved him to shut him up.

–E Train

Overheard by: Xander