Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni! –Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood Overheard by: Dawn
Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn. –Gristedes, 42nd St Overheard by: …while sober or drunk? Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk! –14th St & University Place Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen! –St.Marks & 3rd Ave Overheard by: slohmie Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine. –23rd St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Dina Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's! –Wagner College
Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.” –Chinese Takeout, Queens Overheard by: illyria
Middle aged woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find English muffins?
Teen employee: All the muffins are in that aisle over there, but I don't know where they are from. –Waldbaums Supermarket, Bayside
Guy #1: They don’t have my supplement here.
Guy #2: Try the health food store.
Guy #1: I would, but every time I go in there that woman tries to clean my aura. –CVS, Bleecker Street
Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you. –M&M’s World
Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me. –14th & 8th Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"! –St. Mark's Place Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time… –Outside Gotham Bar and Grill Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents! –Food Emporium, 2nd Ave
Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah! –Bagel Shop, The Village Overheard by: wilpon
Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi? –Chambers &and West Broadway Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin. –W 46th Ave Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack! –West 4th at Washington Square Park Overheard by: Cory Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin. –Relish Bar & Grill Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist. –Arlene’s Grocery Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try! –14th St & 9th Ave
Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”? –Gourmet Garage, Broadway Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster