Archive for the ‘Grocery Stores’ Category

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah! –Bagel Shop, The Village Overheard by: wilpon

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi? –Chambers &and West Broadway Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin. –W 46th Ave Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack! –West 4th at Washington Square Park Overheard by: Cory Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin. –Relish Bar & Grill Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist. –Arlene’s Grocery Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try! –14th St & 9th Ave

That’s Mistress Mayhem to You

Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”? –Gourmet Garage, Broadway Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

She Also Sorted the Alpha-Bits Incorrectly

Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit. –Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

I'm Barred From Her Dungeon for Life

Slutty lesbian chick buying ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I'm going to keep spanking you until you scream!”
Slightly less slutty chick: So what did you do?
Slutty lesbian chick: Well, I wanted it to be hot, but when it came out it wasn't so much an “I'm getting spanked, and it's hot” scream as it was an “I'm shitty and it hurts” grunt. –Grocery Store, The Bronx