Archive for the ‘Grocery Stores’ Category

McCarthyism Is Now Easier Than Ever

Random hipster guy: So yeah, I’ve lived here forever and I don’t know any Russians. I really want to know one.
Farm stand sales girl: Really? That’s so funny! I just met one a few days ago at some bar. I think he gave me his number.
Random hipster guy: Awesome! Would you give me his number? I really want to know a Russian. I mean, I’m not gay or anything, I just want to know him. You wanna give me his number?
Farm stand sales girl: Sure, here. –SoHo Farmer’s Market Overheard by: Kate

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’ –CVS, 42nd & 3rd Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire! –Brooklyn-bound Q train Overheard by: Incitatus Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries. –MacDougal Street Ale House Overheard by: Ladle Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire. –Columbus Ave Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?! –Water St dorm, NYU Overheard by: michael

“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist. –Outside Fairway, 72nd St Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious! –Spiegelworld Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese! –Pratt Institute Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!" –Pathmark Overheard by: Another band geek 30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin! –Port Authority Bus Terminal Overheard by: KTizzle

Wednesday One-Liners–Not for the Calorie-Conscious

3rd grader, cheerily announcing to subway: I'm starving! I didn't even have breakfast! (jubilantly) Just candy! –4 Train Overheard by: i tried that once Cosi employee to another: Dude, don't tell anyone, but I put a *special ingredient* in the brownies. –Cosi Restaurant Fat girl with three skinny friends and a large cupcake: So what do you think our cupcake choices say about our personalities? –Crumbs Bake Shop Overheard by: Damon Old guy with ponytail: You bootlegged My Bloody Valentine? That's like breaking into the US Mint and stealing the chocolate sauce! –7th Ave Overheard by: Good Analogy Girl: And by "jellybean," I mean "fetus"! –Christopher & W 4th St Woman: It's no longer a chocolate vagina, it's just a pool of chocolate! –Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom Overheard by: Ilyssa