A guido is wearing a black jumpsuit and hat when a middle aged woman approaches him.
Woman: Hey…cowboy hat, eh?
Guido: (tips hat) You got that right.
Woman: And is that…velour too, huh?
Guido: You bet. Only the finest.
Woman: Don’t even tell me. You wearing a g-string under that?
Guido: Actually, how did you know?
–MSG
Overheard by: Jay G
Archive for the ‘Guidos’ Category
Wednesday One-liners
Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that’s smart. –Broadway & Waverly Businessman: The CEO’s a good ol’ Italian goombah from Bayonne. –Midtown Office
If Only at Life
Guido #1, in drunken sing-songy voice: Yan-kees suuuuck! Yan-kees suuuuck!
Guido #2: They win a lot!
–Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: jalabi99
That Was Last Week's Trend.
Guido in car with Jersey plates: Don't touch my penis!
Gay man on the street: We don't want your penis, bitch!
–8th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Adam and AnnMarie
One Doesn't Expect Metaphor on the Subway
Guido #1: Yo, your team hasn't won a playoff in ten years. Maybe not this year, but the Jets are going all the way to the Super Bowl.
Guido #2: Yeah, and if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle. (pause) If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.
–1 Train
Overheard by: DZB
I'd Enlist to Military-Service Her
Guido #1: Yo, girl, wassup, wassup?
Pretty Asian girl, walking briskly: I don't want your services.
Guido #1: I don't got no services. Whachu talkin bout, services? Psh!
Guido #2: Yo, you would service her.
Guido #1: Yeah, bro, I would totally service her!
–22nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ilikecandy
How About You Put on Some Pants First?
20-something girl: We need to get cards so we can play Kings.
20-something guy: Yeah, Kings!
Guido, passing by: Cards? I'll astonish you with my tricks.
–79th St & Amsterdam
…Seriously, What's with the Scales?
Guido to chef: Ew, that looks like raw fish! It looks like salmon! Is that fish?
Japanese chef, cheerfully: It's chicken!
Guido: It looks like shit! I thought it was fish!
–Japanese Food Stand, Food Court, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Ashamed to be Italian…
Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
That Penis Patten Is for Style
Guido #1: Ughh! Remember that gay guy who hit on me yesterday? In front of all my friends?
Guido #2: Yeah, but you were wearing that vest. That vest makes you look gay, you know…
Guido #1, indignantly: Noooooo it doesnnn'ttt!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bruce Lee