Archive for the ‘Guidos’ Category

Ouch, That Irony Smarts.

Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.

–St John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Not from Staten Island

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Wednesdays Wish They Could Be More Like One-Liners

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she's like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like "Dude, can we just do the peace-and-love thing? Cause, I don't know how to fight."

–LIRR

Overheard by: whaaasgood

Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.

–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower

Overheard by: interns are our future

Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don't have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.

–Riverside Park

You'd Think People Of Mediterranean Descent Would All Get Along Swimmingly

Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir… If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you!

–82nd & Broadway

It's a Beautiful Wednesday in the One-Linerhood

Teenage Guido on cell: The beer is staying in Marine Park. (pause) Yeah, we're going to Rockaway, but the beer is staying in Marine Park. In the alley. My alley! (pause) Yes! You don't understand English, dude!

–Burger King

Overheard by: Laura E.

Guy on cell: I'm always skeptical of people these days who say they want to go out in the Lower East Side. That makes me think they went to Trinity or Duke, and that they suck.

–S. Portland & Fulton

Guy on cell: This is a superficial neighborhood. They'll only hire you if you're young and hot.

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: didn't know my hood was superficial

Tan guy to messenger guy: So what kind of gay are you? Park Slope gay?

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Guy on cell, triumphantly: We're in the Financial District, bitch!

–Financial District

A Jersey Boy and an LA Girl, But It Was New York That Brought Them Together

Guido in Mercedes, honking horn: Yo!
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido
: Can I talk to you?

(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido
: What's wrong with me, no date?

(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido
: Is it my hair, my clothes?

Jogging hottie, taking off headphones: I don't date Mercedes C230s.

–West Side Highway Jogging Path

Overheard by: La Diabla

Wednesday One-Liners, with Tongue.

College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them…

–NYU Dorm

(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking
: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?


–Ave B & 7th St

Overheard by: friend of the mole people

Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.

–Staten Island

Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.

–Houston & Mulberry

Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!

–45th & 10th

Overheard by: Drunk