Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category

Fool — Even Now the Eye of Sharon Turns in Our Direction!

Dude #1: I mean, when she walked into the room it was like… a demonic presence.
Dude #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Dude #1: No, you don’t. Your girlfriend isn’t like that. She’s not a bitch.
Dude #2: Yeah, she is, just in a different way. She’s a smart enough bitch not to let people know she’s a bitch. –NYC High School

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Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time. –Time Warner Center Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat! –Sheep's Meadow, Central Park Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: fellow fatass Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store! –W Broadway & Spring Overheard by: JR Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4! –Central Park West Overheard by: Rich H

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They Can't Even Drive You Anywhere!

Crying screaming Indian girl: I am so sick of this! I do so much for you, you mean everything to me and I am so sick of this! I was there for you! Nothing mattered to you!
Asian ex-boyfriend: Ummm…
Indian girl: And I am so tired of you choosing them over me. Always choosing the Asian girls over me! It never matters, because you always choose the Asians! –NYU Silver Center

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White People: Is Any Of This Our Fault?

Large black guy #1: Wait, you don’t have your permit yet?
Large black guy #2: Nigga, that ain’t my fault. You know I can drive, but the written test fucked me up.
Large black guy #1: I thought you said it was the easiest shit ever.
Large black guy #2: No, it is. I took it in five minutes. But the last question was “if there’s an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck behind you, who do you let by first?”
Large black guy #1: That’s easy. It’s the –
Large black guy #2: Lemme finish. So I put the ambulance right, because some nigga be dying back there. But it turns out the answer is the postal truck because it’s federal property and you can’t mess with the feds.
Large black guy #1: That’s some stupid shit right there. Some nigga be dying in the back. Stupid feds. You know, the police can get you now for saying the n-word? They can give you a ticket and shit.
Large black guy #2: That ain’t right, nigga. I’m black and I will act accordingly. –2 Train

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You Want to Run Into Joey from Blossom?

Girl: So, what do you want to do?
Tourist guy: I want to meet a famous person!
Guy: I’m sure we can get some tickets to MTV or something.
Tourist guy: No, I wanna see them on the street and be like “Hey. You!” and have them turn around and be like “*gasp* Woah” and I’d be like “Woah”. –1 Train Overheard by: teehee

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Perhaps These Breasts Will Answer Your Question

Guy to guy friend: Did you see the Giants game last night?
Girl, interrupting: I did! I am the biggest Giants fan ever! Like, seriously.
Guy: You're wearing a Jets jersey.
Girl: Ohh, I thought it was Giants, you know, the colors sometimes get confusing.
Guy: How do you confuse red and blue with green and white?
Girl: Uhhh… –F Train

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