Archive for the ‘Guys’ Category

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Ryan

Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.


–Chelsea Theater


Overheard by: Kyle

Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.

Macbeth Performance, Battery Park

Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You

–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park

Overheard by: digamma

Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.

Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre

Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!

–Richard Rodgers Theatre

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother
: Now say "thank you" to its human.


–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Presenting the New Catchphrases for 2006

Guy #1: Yesterday this girl said she wanted to throw herself in front of the train and I’m like, “This bitch is crazy.”
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: I mean, I see that motherfucka coming and that shit ain’t gonna happen, you know?
Guy #2: Maybe she was depressed.
Guy #1: Are you kidding? That shit is pancake style…bitch is crazy. –Penn Station Overheard by: Nander

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn