Guy: It’s the sort of class where the value of Greek civilization is assessed by expressing its estimated GDP as a fractal. –Columbia University bookstore Overheard by: Tim Wolfe
Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts
Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!
Overheard by: squarehand
Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.
–Museum of Modern Art
Overheard by: Gino
Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!
–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria
Overheard by: Evan
King of single line drawings: Can you make me some copies of these drawings? I am the king of single line drawings.
Copy guy #1: How many do you want?
King of single line drawings: What’s your favorite musical instrument? I’ll make you one right now on the spot. How about that?
Copy guy #1: Piano.
King of single line drawings: …And here you are. What’s your favorite instrument?
Copy guy #2: Saxophone.
King of single line drawings: …And here you are. Hey, you back there! What’s your favorite instrument?
Copy girl: A harp!
King of single line drawings: Oh…anything but a harp! –Village Copier, 111th & Broadway
20-something guy #1: Every guy wishes Harrison Ford was his father at least one time during his life.
20-something guy #2: Oh, absolutely!
–Starbucks, 17th & 6th Ave
Guy #1: Dude, I just shit in my pants.
Guy #2: My story wasn’t that funny.
Guy #1: No, I really took a shit in my pants. –N train
Guy: Don't smoke a cigarette. Seriously, put that out. You shouldn't be smoking! It says so right on the pack!
Drunk friend: Shut up! I want a cheaper abortion!
–Bleecker & McDougal
Guy #1: You know how people say that if you give homeless people money, all they'll buy is drugs and alcohol?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well, fuck, that's what I would buy!
–9th St & University Place
Overheard by: Jazz
Headline by: bq
· “Behold, the Democratic Stimulus Plan!” – The Trayster
· “I Guess That Explains the Cardboard Box You Live In…” – Timmy
· “I Mean, After I Paid Off My Credit Card Debt, Of Course” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Michael Phelps Has an Epiphany” – JohnnyB
· “Mickey Rourke’s Comeback Was Short-Lived” – Sing it sister!
· “That’s Why You Don’t Have Full Access to Your Trust Fund” – Keith
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Guy on cell: They showed me the baby’s room and the crib had all these crazy functions I couldn’t understand. The baby even has a walk-in closet filled with clothes and it’s only 2 days old! They just bought a new stroller too…it probably has a built-in MP3, CD and DVD player. –Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool
Girl: There’s a Duane Reade.
Guy #1: What do we need a Duane Reade for?
Girl: If we’re gonna do this, you guys both have to be wearing condoms. –84th & Broadway Suit #1: But what happens if our cocks accidentally touch?
Suit #2: Well…we’re both adults, we’ll just have to deal with it. –52nd & Lexington
Guy #1: I mean, I dunno, she's a vegan, I just don't think I could have group sex with a vegan.
Guy #2: I could!
Overheard by: Liz V.