Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.
–Gold's Gym, 54th St
Overheard by: Johnny V
Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.
–1 Train
Overheard by: whirlygirlie518
White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.
–Chinatown
Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: D-Law
Archive for the ‘Gyms’ Category
Unless There's a Downside I Don't See
Woman #1: You totally should get knocked up by him. With the child support you'd get, you'd be set for life.
Woman #2: I know! Right?
–Gym, Columbia University
Overheard by: Alison R.
Wednesday Vaginers
Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!
–Broadway & 13th
Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.
–The Village
Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?
–Mercury Lounge, LES
Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!
–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: ehka
Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.
–Fordham Gym
Take a Wednesday One-Liner. It'll Last Longer.
Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…
–Gym, Westchester Ave
Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.
–NYU
Overheard by: mm
Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!
–Hudson River Park
20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.
–Brooklyn
Have You Never Seen a Horror Movie?
Black 15-year-old kid: What you doing on Halloween?
White 15-year-old kid: Gettin' laid.
Black 15-year-old kid: What the fuck? Gettin' laid on Halloween? That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit!
–Gym Locker Room, Bayside, New York
Overheard by: tbomb
Too Bad, Really–Chicks Dig the Feeding Tube
Guy #1, getting out of shower: Oh! Great news. I learned how to swallow!
Guy #2: That's fantastic!
–Locker Room, David Barton Gym
Overheard by: Baby steps
The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners
Waiter delivering German chocolate cake (deadpan): Sieg heil!
–Junior's, Shubert Alley
Overheard by: Anne Frank
80-something Jewish grandmother to shocked-looking teenage granddaughter: And your grandfather came here from Germany when the Nazis came to power. And I met him at a party and we got married and had your mother. So in other words, young lady, you owe your life to Adolf Hitler.
–The Jewish Museum
Female passer-by: She thought "Adolf Hitler" was a book by Mein Kampf!
–110 & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew Krenz
Guy to coworker: You just missed some guy comparing our guest sign-in policy to Hitler's final solution.
–Coles Gym, NYU
Guy on cell: I'm not saying that others are Nazi supporters, I'm just saying Hillary Clinton does not support Nazis. Or their supporters.
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Overheard by: about to support one
Oh He’s Got Plenty of Tenure–Wait, What?
Student: I saw my professor in the park over the weekend.
Friend: So?
Student: It was three in the morning. And he was exposed… He was peeing.
Friend: Huh. I wonder if he has tenure.
–Coles Gym, Mercer Street
Overheard by: Studying for Finals at NYU
And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?
Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.
–Washington G Station
Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.
–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn
NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!
–West 4th St
Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?
–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St
Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?
–Bedford and North 7th
20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.
–52nd & 9th
Overheard by: Trey Givens
The Word’s Out on The Bucket List
Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.
–Crunch Gym, 38th St
Overheard by: Maggie