Archive for the ‘Gyms’ Category

Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Take a Wednesday One-Liner. It'll Last Longer.

Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…

–Gym, Westchester Ave

Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert

Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.

–NYU

Overheard by: mm

Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!

–Hudson River Park

20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.

–Brooklyn

The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

Waiter delivering German chocolate cake (deadpan): Sieg heil!

–Junior's, Shubert Alley

Overheard by: Anne Frank

80-something Jewish grandmother to shocked-looking teenage granddaughter: And your grandfather came here from Germany when the Nazis came to power. And I met him at a party and we got married and had your mother. So in other words, young lady, you owe your life to Adolf Hitler.

–The Jewish Museum

Female passer-by: She thought "Adolf Hitler" was a book by Mein Kampf!

–110 & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew Krenz

Guy to coworker: You just missed some guy comparing our guest sign-in policy to Hitler's final solution.

–Coles Gym, NYU

Guy on cell: I'm not saying that others are Nazi supporters, I'm just saying Hillary Clinton does not support Nazis. Or their supporters.

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Overheard by: about to support one