Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde. –Hop Scotch Overheard by: bildita Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!" –Smith Street & President Overheard by: Michelle C. (drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag! –7th Ave Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless. –Union Square Overheard by: Conti Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now. –Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

Maybe–Like Its Owner–It Wasn’t Raised Right

Guy #1: I took the day off. I’m going up to Long Island City to see the doctor.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? What’s the matter?
Guy #1: I have to get this boil looked at.
Guy #2: Sorry to hear that.
Guy #1: Yeah, well…normally it’s not a problem. I just pop it and it all goes away, but this one, man, I’ve popped it three times and it’s still big and painful as hell. Normally I don’t complain about these things, but man, this one is right below my balls…and it’s killing me! They tell me it’s a hair growing the wrong way. How does a hair do that? –A train

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods) –Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying. –4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: olivejuice Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lucian Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry. –Cobble Hill Overheard by: MJB Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you! –Staten Island Ferry Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying. –Bowery & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Take Root

Guy: He totally harassed my mother into getting a haircut. It was basically like rape. Except, you know, with a haircut. –6 train Overheard by: Always Amazed 20-something: It’s one of those bars in Williamsburg that you can’t get in unless you have a mustache. –Brooklyn-bound L train College girl: Do you want glow-in-the-dark body hair? –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: catherine Chick in elevator: I don’t complain about stuff. Well, maybe my hair, but only because my hair is, like, really, really important! –NYU Palladium Tourist dad braiding wife’s hair: … And that’s what they mean by ‘nappy-headed hos.’ –Central Park South Overheard by: eric Chick with Pirate Queen playbill: Besides, you could tell that the other clan wasn’t going to get very far, because the clan leader just didn’t have very good hair. –44th & 9th Overheard by: Rose Fox Flight attendant: Everyone, please remain seated until the captain turns off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign. That includes annoying little girls with dark brown, curly hair. –JetBlue flight, JFK