Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods) –Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying. –4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: olivejuice Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lucian Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry. –Cobble Hill Overheard by: MJB Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you! –Staten Island Ferry Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying. –Bowery & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Take Root

Guy: He totally harassed my mother into getting a haircut. It was basically like rape. Except, you know, with a haircut. –6 train Overheard by: Always Amazed 20-something: It’s one of those bars in Williamsburg that you can’t get in unless you have a mustache. –Brooklyn-bound L train College girl: Do you want glow-in-the-dark body hair? –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: catherine Chick in elevator: I don’t complain about stuff. Well, maybe my hair, but only because my hair is, like, really, really important! –NYU Palladium Tourist dad braiding wife’s hair: … And that’s what they mean by ‘nappy-headed hos.’ –Central Park South Overheard by: eric Chick with Pirate Queen playbill: Besides, you could tell that the other clan wasn’t going to get very far, because the clan leader just didn’t have very good hair. –44th & 9th Overheard by: Rose Fox Flight attendant: Everyone, please remain seated until the captain turns off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign. That includes annoying little girls with dark brown, curly hair. –JetBlue flight, JFK

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you. –AMC Movie Theater Overheard by: Emmy Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service! –14D Bus Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard. –Shuttle to Times Square Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush! –1 Train Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom! –University & 12th St