Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you. –AMC Movie Theater Overheard by: Emmy Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service! –14D Bus Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard. –Shuttle to Times Square Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush! –1 Train Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom! –University & 12th St

May/December Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days. –3rd between B & C Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience. –124th & Manhattan Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone. –LIRR Overheard by: Squatporpoise Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys. –NYU School of social work Overheard by: Maggie

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga. –Grand Central Overheard by: Steven Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline! –Virgil's, W 44th St Overheard by: Check, please! Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself." –6 Train Overheard by: i mean disrespect 20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad… –35th St & Lexington

Reader Poll: Which Part Of That Last Statement Was More Disturbing?

20-something guy: His beard makes him look like Chuck Norris.
20-something girl: Who?
Bartender: Chuck Norris. He was Walker, Texas Ranger.
20-something guy: You don't know who Chuck Norris is?
20-something girl: I feel like we always talk about Chuck Norris and I have no idea who he is. –3rd St & Berry, Williamsburg Overheard by:

Wednesday One-Liners Are Itching and Flaking

Pink-haired woman: Have you noticed how all the celebs are totally dying their hair? It just looks so damn fake! I just want to walk up to them and say, ‘Your hair looks like a chem lab exploded on it!’ And then I would, like, get an autograph. –Broadway Hobo: Look, this ain’t my hair! I am part of the Homeland Security, and the alert color today is orange for ‘High alert.’ Now, how can you be both high and alert? That’s why this country is so fucked up! Have a nice day! –L train, 6th Ave Overheard by: pchace Ghetto woman: Now, where did my son get to? I’m done payin’ and he still runnin’ around… I gotta go fix my hair — it looks like I just killed someone. –Grocery store Old man: I don’t like ugly, fucking-hairy women. I just don’t — it’s a matter of taste! Good grooming — it’s the key to success, baby! Ugly, hairy women… They’re everywhere! –Connecticut Muffin, Prospect Park stop, F train Overheard by: Sarah McLellan Guy: Keep the money coming, people! I got three kids at home, and they all want Timberlands! I accept baby food, hair weaves… I even take weed, if you got it! –2 train Overheard by: jil Guy on cell: If you want a shitty haircut, you come to me! –Smith & 9th St station Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed

But, to Be Fair, We Also Said That About the Cast Of The Real World

Little girl #1, looking at Neanderthal diorama: I just saw her pupils move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her hair move!
Little girl #3: I just saw her blink!
Little girl #1: I just saw his penis move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her boob move!
Little girl #1: I think those are real people!
Little girl #2: Me, too!
Little girl #3: Me, three! –Museum Of Natural History Overheard by: Jennifer