Archive for the ‘Handicaps’ Category

Does a Threesome With Twins Break the Wednesday One-Liner Taboo?

Suit to another: He was just lucky not to be fucking someone in his family! –Trump Building Overheard by: Guess I'm lucky too Gamer on headset: Dude, you are not listening to me. You can't hear me. You know why? Because you have no ears. You're the product of two retarded cousins fucking each other. –Queens Girl: He looks like my uncle… the one I'm really attracted to. –Governors Island ferry Overheard by: boring Male passerby: I wouldn't fuck my family, but… –4th Ave & 11th St Overheard by: Jessica British professor wearing bow tie: It's fascinating just how exciting incest is! –Silver Center, NYU

Democracy Clears Doesn’t Work; Back to Monarchy?

Wheeltard: Round here I’m just an idiot, but not in Brooklyn. I’m king in my neighborhood. When I cross that bridge and they see me comin’, they know I’m king. –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Girl: I don’t know who she thinks she is, but just because she’s got cancer doesn’t make her Queen Bitch. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: Tony

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell! –Astoria Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp. –M66 Bus Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair? –31st & Crescent, Astoria Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot! –3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st Overheard by: Tom College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing. –8th St & University Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby. –JFK Airport Overheard by: Riot

Yeah But She Can Only Give You an I or a Y

Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione
Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” – Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” – Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” – Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” – fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” – Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” – Zomzom
· “From the McCartney – Mills Divorce Files” – Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” – Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” – Spin
· “Or a head.” – Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” – Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” – Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” – CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” – John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” – Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” – Marv in DC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck. –SoHo Overheard by: kim Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers. –2nd Ave & Houston Overheard by: gypsee Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs. –1 Train Overheard by: oliviz Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum. –M14D Bus Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: rachel Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand. –Brother Jimmy's Restaurant Overheard by: Joe