Archive for the ‘Handicaps’ Category

You'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners

Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster! –Queens Mall Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin. –College Point Shopping Center Overheard by: Yesenia Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater? –Waterside Plaza Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me? –M23 Bus Overheard by: Rose Fox Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us. –15th St & University Place Overheard by: Sarah M.

Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes! –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy! –84th & 3rd Overheard by: Laura Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye! –Times Square Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs. –111th St & Amsterdam Overheard by: Ladle Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt. –West End & 77th St Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms? –University Place

Wednesday One-Liners Looked Better in the Previews

Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human! –Lower West Side Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs! –13th St & University Overheard by: Jaimie Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack." –City Cinemas, E 86th St Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right? –NYU Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance. –Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed. –Columbia University Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis… –Columbia University Overheard by: Katie Naum Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting. –Columbia University Overheard by: L-Dubbs Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead. –Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: reluctantprof

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least. –Hunter College High School Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes. –NYU Dorm Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled. –N Train High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade. –Cold Stone Creamery Overheard by: Kristina Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one. –Amsterdam & 88th St Overheard by: Beez and Newb