Drunk girl to another: There's like 7 miles of cock out there and I can't even get 7 inches.
Friend: I'd be happy with 4 inches.
–Chaos Club
Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category
I Know You're Depressed When You Try to Stab Me
30-something babe, seconds before stop: I'm so happy.
40-something metrosexual: I know, it shows.
(she gets up)
40-something metrosexual: Yeah, when you ignore me on the train it's always a good sign.
–F Train
Ann Coulter: See? See?
Dude: So what's up, man?
Homeboy: Same old grind man, you?
Dude: What's up with your girl?
Homeboy, all smiley: Oh, man! She just miscarried, thank god! I couldn't be happier, dun!
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Homeboy: Yeah, it was great! Thank god!
Dude: Okay. Peace, man.
Homeboy: Still smiling, no doubt kid, one!
–Bedford Ave & Myrtle Ave
Overheard by: krillz
Though My Hindsight Is 20/20
Preteen girl #1, seeing friend take out glasses case: Oh my god, you wear glasses?
Preteen girl #2: Yeah, I have really bad foresight.
–Columbus Cricle
Probably Too Soon for a Song Here
Blonde: This bridge collapsed, it's so sad.
Brunette: Why?
Blonde: Why?
Blonde: Oh, what is it happy?
Brunette: No it's not happy.
Blonde: Yay, a bridge collapsed?
Brunette: Yay!
Brunette: London Bridge fell and it got a mothafuckin song!
–7th Ave & 23rd St
What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?
Gluttony
Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Sam
Lust
Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…
–5th Ave & 12th St
Greed
Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe
Sloth
Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?
–L Train
Wrath
Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.
–Brooklyn College Library
Envy
Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!
–Bleecker & Spring
Pride
Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!
–Battery Park
Shall I Demonstrate on This Person Here?
Guy #1: Have you ever had a happy ending?
Guy #2: No, I've never gotten one. (passer-by stares at him)
Guy #1: I get them all the time, they're great!
–W 23rd & 3rd
Just Sperm Of Dubious Provenance
Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)
–Varick & Vandam
Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student
And My Mom Already Hates You
Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.
–Union Square
WTF?
Asian cabbie: I am happy cabbie!
Man: I'm sure you are! (goes to hail another cab)
Asian cabbie: You google me! You google, happy cabbie, happy cabbie!
–Ave of the Americas